Tuesday morning I woke up to find a long looked for, but still unexpected email in my inbox.
Leicester has, beyond all belief and rationality, accepted my PhD proposal for October this year. I expected to hear from them weeks ago, and when I didn't, I suppose I'd given up in my head. So the email came as a surprise, on many levels. But a happy one.
My first thought was along the lines of 'OMG!'. The second, more extended thought was, 'but what about funding?' My third thought was 'I AM GOING BACK TO ENGLAND.' After that, there wasn't much coherency and a lot of laughter for the next few hours. Of course, day one of Cloud 9 was followed by day two of reality and planning, but since that is what I am best at, I feel it's working well. Planning is something I can focus on; something concrete and doable. And it means I worry less about the what-ifs.
[The largest of which is, of course, whether my funding comes through and how I will possibly do this without it.] But I find I am focusing less on that and much more on the practical aspects of moving once more and research that I have now let lapse for two months. The second of these is the most important. I've six months to worry about moving, and last time I did it all in two.
Everyone is very excited, especially my aunt (of all people). My parents are about as excited as last time, because after nearly two years they were nearly convinced they had me in Canada for the rest of eternity. What a silly notion.
Since it is almost the end of February, I feel like I can declare this month a big win on more than the PhD level. It means this year has started so much better than any in recent memory and I can only hope that means that I'm due for it to continue. Optimism coming along just fine...
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Beginnings of the Year
Not too many years ago, 2011 sounded like a date far into the future. The next decade began last year, in 2010 technically, but 2011 seems to take it that one step further. We can't pretend it's still hovering around the 2000s; we're firmly on the way to the 2050s now and that's just terrifying.
I suppose I had some small hope that, but 2011, I would be in a much different place than I was in 2001. That seemed to be a defining year for most of the world and for myself as well. I had hoped that in 10 years things around the world and closer to home would change, but they have not. The world is much the same, though perhaps a little worse off lately, and my life is not so different. The intervening years have certainly been full of different adventures and such, but at this particular moment in January 2011, my life is not so different than January 2001 (except there is less homework to be done).
This should, it can be said, be incentive enough for me to get on with my life and I am trying. I've widdened my job search to include anything that might earn me enough money so that I can move out on my own. I've been more open to relationships and the idea of maybe finding someone to settle down with before I'm 30. [A concept that seemed like a fantastic idea at age 21, but has mostly gone by the wayside since.] I am investigating other career options, at least in the short term. I am still hopeful about a potential PhD and have not given up that route, at least yet. I am pursuing travelling options for the year, if not for my actual birthday. Hopefully by September I will have travelled Somewhere I Have Never Been Before. I am trying to keep in touch with more friends, something that has also fallen by the wayside since I moved to England. I am also trying to keep busy and be more optimistic. I'm not certain how the last of these is going, especially after an exhausting day at work, but since I have only myself as company there is no one to complain that I am breaking a resolution already. I am determined that by January 2012 I will have figured my life out.
That, in itself, is the largest resolution of all and also the hardest to keep.
I suppose I had some small hope that, but 2011, I would be in a much different place than I was in 2001. That seemed to be a defining year for most of the world and for myself as well. I had hoped that in 10 years things around the world and closer to home would change, but they have not. The world is much the same, though perhaps a little worse off lately, and my life is not so different. The intervening years have certainly been full of different adventures and such, but at this particular moment in January 2011, my life is not so different than January 2001 (except there is less homework to be done).
This should, it can be said, be incentive enough for me to get on with my life and I am trying. I've widdened my job search to include anything that might earn me enough money so that I can move out on my own. I've been more open to relationships and the idea of maybe finding someone to settle down with before I'm 30. [A concept that seemed like a fantastic idea at age 21, but has mostly gone by the wayside since.] I am investigating other career options, at least in the short term. I am still hopeful about a potential PhD and have not given up that route, at least yet. I am pursuing travelling options for the year, if not for my actual birthday. Hopefully by September I will have travelled Somewhere I Have Never Been Before. I am trying to keep in touch with more friends, something that has also fallen by the wayside since I moved to England. I am also trying to keep busy and be more optimistic. I'm not certain how the last of these is going, especially after an exhausting day at work, but since I have only myself as company there is no one to complain that I am breaking a resolution already. I am determined that by January 2012 I will have figured my life out.
That, in itself, is the largest resolution of all and also the hardest to keep.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
TGID
Thank God It's December.
And so begins what has, as long as NaNo has existed, the so-called 'editing month'. Where in you spend the better part of 30 days wondering what the hell it is you wrote and how it could be so very bad. And you try to make it better.
In all honesty, this year is actually much less stressful than last year. Last year I wrote 53,000 words in 20 days and still had another 15,000 to write in December to actually finish the story. This year, I finished on 51,000 words in 30 days and not a word more am I going to write! I was more proud of the fact that I'd budgeting the right number of words, in the right sections, in the correct number of chapters than I was at hitting the 50k mark. I will celebrate by getting a free printed copy of my book.
Which means, editing. One day I will come across the paperback in a dusty corner of my bookshelf that had been covered with shinny new books by actually authors, and I will open the cover and start to read. And if I find one stupid spelling mistake, I'll probably throw the whole thing out in annoyance. Which means, editing month. I also have two other people's stories to read as well and it's already December 5th! It will be Christmas before I know it!
There is the small matter of that painting sitting downstairs collecting dust on an empty canvas. A fact that annoys me every time I go downstairs to wrap a present. It is both condeming and inspiring. And must be done by the 25th!
And so begins what has, as long as NaNo has existed, the so-called 'editing month'. Where in you spend the better part of 30 days wondering what the hell it is you wrote and how it could be so very bad. And you try to make it better.
In all honesty, this year is actually much less stressful than last year. Last year I wrote 53,000 words in 20 days and still had another 15,000 to write in December to actually finish the story. This year, I finished on 51,000 words in 30 days and not a word more am I going to write! I was more proud of the fact that I'd budgeting the right number of words, in the right sections, in the correct number of chapters than I was at hitting the 50k mark. I will celebrate by getting a free printed copy of my book.
Which means, editing. One day I will come across the paperback in a dusty corner of my bookshelf that had been covered with shinny new books by actually authors, and I will open the cover and start to read. And if I find one stupid spelling mistake, I'll probably throw the whole thing out in annoyance. Which means, editing month. I also have two other people's stories to read as well and it's already December 5th! It will be Christmas before I know it!
There is the small matter of that painting sitting downstairs collecting dust on an empty canvas. A fact that annoys me every time I go downstairs to wrap a present. It is both condeming and inspiring. And must be done by the 25th!
Friday, November 12, 2010
Out of My Hands
Oh, the nightmares that are funding applications. Having to do two of them at once for very different things is not a good idea either!
The PhD funding application is in, however. There are two others, but thankfully their deadlines are not until 2011 and that just sounds so far away. I have calculated my odds of getting it as 50/50. This is really a glass is half full/empty sort of situation and I have never been great with those. I usually fall to the later side of things.
After more than a year and a half of researching for this thing, though, I will be something akin to heartbroken beyond repair if I can't secure at least some funding. I am willing to put myself in dept to do this PhD, but there is a limit to how much dept I can reasonably carry, knowing how much money I will not be making ever after I graduate. I need some help and now I really really really want that help!
I hope this doesn't turn out like St. Andrews did.
The PhD funding application is in, however. There are two others, but thankfully their deadlines are not until 2011 and that just sounds so far away. I have calculated my odds of getting it as 50/50. This is really a glass is half full/empty sort of situation and I have never been great with those. I usually fall to the later side of things.
After more than a year and a half of researching for this thing, though, I will be something akin to heartbroken beyond repair if I can't secure at least some funding. I am willing to put myself in dept to do this PhD, but there is a limit to how much dept I can reasonably carry, knowing how much money I will not be making ever after I graduate. I need some help and now I really really really want that help!
I hope this doesn't turn out like St. Andrews did.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
One Third of the Way
Or What I'm Supposed to Be At.
In reality, I'm nearly 5000 words behind right now. Of course, I had two days without a computer AT ALL and therefore lost 4000 words right there. Yesterday was also much more exhausting than expected and I lost another 1000. Of course, this time last year I was into day 2 of 8 without a computer. In theory, I'm ahead. And I managed it before, I will do so again. Today's project is to catch up to where I should be (which is 33.33% done).
The novel started the way I expected, but then dropped in the interest department for a few thousand words. To restart the thing I invented a hunting trip that I hope will be important later (much later). This annoys me, as last year I had nothing planned out and yet each invention made sense. This one was just to glorify the word count. I'll need to make the trip integral to the end of the story (or probably the middle) to justify it and that screws with my plan a bit.
On the positive aspect, my characters are more or less listening to me. As a whim I invented a character without meaning to, and though only important to the first third of the story, I sort of love him to pieces. He emulates my favourite characters from a lot of books and is so blantantly important it's almost ridiculous.
The naming thing is getting easier. At least where people names are concerned. I still have this problem with place names always sounding like I stole them from another book. Last year was easier because all of the names were English and all of the places actually existed. But Nano is supposed to be a challenge, right?
Wake me when it's December.
In reality, I'm nearly 5000 words behind right now. Of course, I had two days without a computer AT ALL and therefore lost 4000 words right there. Yesterday was also much more exhausting than expected and I lost another 1000. Of course, this time last year I was into day 2 of 8 without a computer. In theory, I'm ahead. And I managed it before, I will do so again. Today's project is to catch up to where I should be (which is 33.33% done).
The novel started the way I expected, but then dropped in the interest department for a few thousand words. To restart the thing I invented a hunting trip that I hope will be important later (much later). This annoys me, as last year I had nothing planned out and yet each invention made sense. This one was just to glorify the word count. I'll need to make the trip integral to the end of the story (or probably the middle) to justify it and that screws with my plan a bit.
On the positive aspect, my characters are more or less listening to me. As a whim I invented a character without meaning to, and though only important to the first third of the story, I sort of love him to pieces. He emulates my favourite characters from a lot of books and is so blantantly important it's almost ridiculous.
The naming thing is getting easier. At least where people names are concerned. I still have this problem with place names always sounding like I stole them from another book. Last year was easier because all of the names were English and all of the places actually existed. But Nano is supposed to be a challenge, right?
Wake me when it's December.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Tempus Fugit
In the most literal sense of the Latin.
Five weeks ago I had time which I now do not have. It is October 25th and NaNo starts in less than a week, my proposal is due in two, Christmas is just around the corner, and that funding bid is getting down the the wire. Funny, how life just loves to sit back and laugh at you when you make statements like 'there's plenty of time left'.
On the topic of the proposal, everything is written/filled out/compiled except for one reference letter which belongs to a prof I have not heard from in two weeks despite repeated emails. I knew that one was too good to be true and I swear if I miss out on this because of him I may commit murder, because that will be the second time he's screwed me over. On the other hand, if he does not get back to me before the deadline, I may be down to Leicester as my only option anyways (due to money) and the cosmic irony is more than I can handle. I was starting to get attached to Newcastle.
On the topic of NaNo. I sat down yesterday and figured out a plan. It's not a good plan, but it wasn't last year either, so I have faith. I must simply force myself to write everyday and then the novel will appear. I am certain of this. Of course, there is also the oil painting. I'm trying not to think about that one.
As for the funding bid? Well, the positive part is that it's not mine to worry about. Although if we miss the deadline for that then I definitely don't get paid.
And Christmas is just around the corner, as the Xmas trees in the store keep scream ing at me. It's going to be a long two months, in all the wrong ways.
I also need to find a job, eventually, because as of New Years I will be unemployed. At least until May.
Five weeks ago I had time which I now do not have. It is October 25th and NaNo starts in less than a week, my proposal is due in two, Christmas is just around the corner, and that funding bid is getting down the the wire. Funny, how life just loves to sit back and laugh at you when you make statements like 'there's plenty of time left'.
On the topic of the proposal, everything is written/filled out/compiled except for one reference letter which belongs to a prof I have not heard from in two weeks despite repeated emails. I knew that one was too good to be true and I swear if I miss out on this because of him I may commit murder, because that will be the second time he's screwed me over. On the other hand, if he does not get back to me before the deadline, I may be down to Leicester as my only option anyways (due to money) and the cosmic irony is more than I can handle. I was starting to get attached to Newcastle.
On the topic of NaNo. I sat down yesterday and figured out a plan. It's not a good plan, but it wasn't last year either, so I have faith. I must simply force myself to write everyday and then the novel will appear. I am certain of this. Of course, there is also the oil painting. I'm trying not to think about that one.
As for the funding bid? Well, the positive part is that it's not mine to worry about. Although if we miss the deadline for that then I definitely don't get paid.
And Christmas is just around the corner, as the Xmas trees in the store keep scream ing at me. It's going to be a long two months, in all the wrong ways.
I also need to find a job, eventually, because as of New Years I will be unemployed. At least until May.
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