Monday, March 9, 2015

Post Viva

My first thought, had anyone asked me six months ago, would be to say that of course I was looking forward to after the viva. You're a doctor after all. How cool is that?

It's sort of surreal, actually. All my very supportive friends and family keep calling me Dr. Hetherington, but yet, in my head, nothing has changed. I didn't just wake up and start feeling like 'now I have my PhD'. I'm still stuck somewhere in 'I'm a student' mode. Possibly this is because I have not yet moved from the student lifestyle and mentality onto something that might be considered more 'adult'. I am where I have been for three months, doing exactly the same amount of procrastination I've been doing, it's just no longer considered procrastination. I think, once I'm out in the world working again I will feel less like a student, but until then, I'm just having a bit of a time wrapping my brain around what being a Doctor means.

But, the fact of the matter is that the viva is over (gut wrenchingly terrifying as it was - I don't do well in those sorts of situations, and spent most of the day having a panic attack), and I was told I did really well (despite the panic attack) and should feel pleased about that. It's sort of really a blur (because of the panic attack), but I do know I'm glad it's over and I won't have to do that again (unless I get another hair-brained idea to do a PhD - please stop me if I do). Now I have a few months of corrections to do (well, it'll take a few months, because I think it's going to take me a month or more to work up to actually being able to face editing my PhD again - we've not really been on speaking terms lately). But I'm done the big, really hard work bit, now it's just a few things to tidy up (I was just told that by a previous graduate and I've decided it's a nice way of looking at life).

But I think I might not actually wrap my head around being a doctor until graduation. For both my MAs I didn't feel done until I held that piece of paper in my hand, even though I'd finished school 6 months before convocation.