There are certain times in your life when something occurs so unexpectedly that you gap in awe (or shock). Sometimes these are moments of sheer surprise. Other times they are moments you have hoped and prayed for, but never actually believed would happen.
And sometimes, they're both.
I've been rather quiet the last months, I realize. I have been especially quiet on discussing my thesis amendments. Partly this is because I don't want to turn off people who are currently doing their PhDs, or are contemplating starting one. The last thing you want to hear in Year 3 is 'you think writing the thesis the first time was hard? Try THIS'. I have taken a note from the book of students that finished before me and, on the whole, remained rather silent.
But perhaps that isn't helpful. Perhaps you need to know exactly what a pain in the ass it can be so you can be prepared. Or, on the other hand, so you can realize you aren't suffering alone.
If you'd rather not know, you had best stop reading now.
There are various levels of amendments. In the university I attended, they come in three likely options: minor 1 month (spelling/grammar mistakes), minor 3 months (sentence structure, small issues, more references, etc.), and major 6 months (big things). The other option is resubmit, but that is the one everyone fears and, thankfully, few get.
I got 6 months. It bordered on resubmit, in fact, because of the number of issues. Different examiners might have given me a different outcome (it could have gone either way), but we'll never know. All I know is what I got.
And I got lucky. Yes, the list was long. Yes, for the first month after I received them, just opening the document gave me an all out panic attack. And yes, I cried a lot after my viva, mostly in despair of ever finishing. But no, they were not impossible. And no, they were not ambiguous or general. And no, I was not at any point confused by what I had to do. I had a clear list of exactly what needed doing, it just came down to finding the will power (and the calmness) to do it.
It took me 5 months. I had 6, but I didn't want to push that, in case further amendments were forthcoming. For the first two months I worked part-time on the smallest corrections (spelling/grammar, sentence structure, missing info/references, rhetoric), and then spent the last three months working full-time on the major stuff. Some of it took me a week. One thing took me a month. I despaired of ever finishing. I despaired of ever passing. I despaired of getting out of bed in the morning. It was ten times worse than any point in my PhD before (and I had thought my last months prior to submission were the worst it could be).
But I had good friends. And I had people who had gone through this and survived. And the best piece of advice I received in the six months since my viva was this:
It sucks. It really, really sucks. At times you will want to give up. At times you may completely give up. At times you will be convinced nothing will fix the issue and you will never pass. At times you will question your sanity of ever doing a PhD in the first place. At times you will be depressed. At times you will be anxious (for me, always). At times you will be confused, confounded, muddled, etc. At rare times you will have a Eureka! moment. At times you will wonder if you ever will again. At times it will all seem impossible.
And that's normal, okay? It's all, completely, entirely, 100% normal.
That doesn't make it better. If the PhD taught be anything, it's that knowing it's normal does not make it better. But it does make it a tiny bit easier.
And every little bit counts, when after 4 years you've been told you have another 6 months of this.
But in the end, you'll get it done. You'll get it done because, after 4 years, you have no other choice. After all this work, it's only 6 more months. You cannot falter at the final hurdle. So you will complete. You will submit again. And you will find out the outcome.
And it's probably going to be a shock. It's probably going to leave you in awe for a little bit. But it is also the greatest email/letter you will ever receive. Savour that. Enjoy it. Take the time to come to terms with what it really means.
You're a Doctor now.
And so am I.
Showing posts with label university. Show all posts
Showing posts with label university. Show all posts
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Thursday, June 4, 2015
Stress and the Machine
Ostensibly I have seven novels on the go. Ostensibly. The reality is that two of them are with test readers, one of them is sitting untouched (for 8 months) on my hard drive, two of them are no more than a summary, and two of them are on my to-edit list this summer. So, actually, right now I have no novels on the go.
This would be grand in most circumstances. Particularly if those circumstances were: agent man is looking for more books to sell. But I don't have an agent, or a single book sold, or even time to query any of the books that are works-in-progress.
Instead, I am revising a thesis. There are few things I dislike more than academic editing. I can think of a few, but most of them involve death and dismemberment. I am not an avid editor, but I can just about manage with fictional editing; academic editing is another kettle of fish (barrel of monkeys?). I spent five months last year editing this thesis, and now I'm spending another five months editing this thesis, and in many ways I am simply taking what I already changed once and changing it again (sometimes back to what it was originally!). I am bored and disheartened and thoroughly, thoroughly, frustrated with the whole thing. As usual with editing, one edit changes five other things, or you remember that if you reword this you have to go find that other sentence 10k words later and reword it too. It's awful. But it's revisions, and just like editing a novel, it has to get done.
But in many ways, I'm lucky. I have nothing else to do with my time except plug away on this, so in many ways it is not very stressful. That's not to say it isn't stressful. It is. Anything on which your future career lies engenders stress. This is not, however, as stressful as the first round of edits was last autumn where my feeling was 'it's utter shite, what am I going to do?' Now it's a matter of considering 'well, they told me it wasn't shite, so I just have to take it from being acceptable to being good'. That means less stress as well.
I had no idea what I was doing the first time. No one does, the first time they write a thesis. I had about three different research questions and it took - what felt like - forever to figure out which one was the actual one (jury is still out on whether it was the right one). Even at the end I was still stressing about whether it was a good research question. So that stress is gone now, for which I am very grateful. And yet, some little niggling voice in my head still thinks maybe there was another way. I try not to give it much voice time.
So, I plug away, slowly but surely. When before I editing whole sections in a day, now I go one paragraph at a time. I am hoping that is a good thing. That I am being even more dedicated and careful. Time will only tell. What I do know is that it leaves me a lot of time for other things; things that reduce my lower stress even further and that I - mostly - enjoy.
Next week, look for a review of the Royal Ontario Museum's new blockbuster exhibition 'Pompeii: In the Shadow of the Volcano', and possibly some future ramblings about supervising and consultancy. Because apparently that is a thing I now do.
This would be grand in most circumstances. Particularly if those circumstances were: agent man is looking for more books to sell. But I don't have an agent, or a single book sold, or even time to query any of the books that are works-in-progress.
Instead, I am revising a thesis. There are few things I dislike more than academic editing. I can think of a few, but most of them involve death and dismemberment. I am not an avid editor, but I can just about manage with fictional editing; academic editing is another kettle of fish (barrel of monkeys?). I spent five months last year editing this thesis, and now I'm spending another five months editing this thesis, and in many ways I am simply taking what I already changed once and changing it again (sometimes back to what it was originally!). I am bored and disheartened and thoroughly, thoroughly, frustrated with the whole thing. As usual with editing, one edit changes five other things, or you remember that if you reword this you have to go find that other sentence 10k words later and reword it too. It's awful. But it's revisions, and just like editing a novel, it has to get done.
But in many ways, I'm lucky. I have nothing else to do with my time except plug away on this, so in many ways it is not very stressful. That's not to say it isn't stressful. It is. Anything on which your future career lies engenders stress. This is not, however, as stressful as the first round of edits was last autumn where my feeling was 'it's utter shite, what am I going to do?' Now it's a matter of considering 'well, they told me it wasn't shite, so I just have to take it from being acceptable to being good'. That means less stress as well.
I had no idea what I was doing the first time. No one does, the first time they write a thesis. I had about three different research questions and it took - what felt like - forever to figure out which one was the actual one (jury is still out on whether it was the right one). Even at the end I was still stressing about whether it was a good research question. So that stress is gone now, for which I am very grateful. And yet, some little niggling voice in my head still thinks maybe there was another way. I try not to give it much voice time.
So, I plug away, slowly but surely. When before I editing whole sections in a day, now I go one paragraph at a time. I am hoping that is a good thing. That I am being even more dedicated and careful. Time will only tell. What I do know is that it leaves me a lot of time for other things; things that reduce my lower stress even further and that I - mostly - enjoy.
Next week, look for a review of the Royal Ontario Museum's new blockbuster exhibition 'Pompeii: In the Shadow of the Volcano', and possibly some future ramblings about supervising and consultancy. Because apparently that is a thing I now do.
Monday, March 9, 2015
Post Viva
My first thought, had anyone asked me six months ago, would be to say that of course I was looking forward to after the viva. You're a doctor after all. How cool is that?
It's sort of surreal, actually. All my very supportive friends and family keep calling me Dr. Hetherington, but yet, in my head, nothing has changed. I didn't just wake up and start feeling like 'now I have my PhD'. I'm still stuck somewhere in 'I'm a student' mode. Possibly this is because I have not yet moved from the student lifestyle and mentality onto something that might be considered more 'adult'. I am where I have been for three months, doing exactly the same amount of procrastination I've been doing, it's just no longer considered procrastination. I think, once I'm out in the world working again I will feel less like a student, but until then, I'm just having a bit of a time wrapping my brain around what being a Doctor means.
But, the fact of the matter is that the viva is over (gut wrenchingly terrifying as it was - I don't do well in those sorts of situations, and spent most of the day having a panic attack), and I was told I did really well (despite the panic attack) and should feel pleased about that. It's sort of really a blur (because of the panic attack), but I do know I'm glad it's over and I won't have to do that again (unless I get another hair-brained idea to do a PhD - please stop me if I do). Now I have a few months of corrections to do (well, it'll take a few months, because I think it's going to take me a month or more to work up to actually being able to face editing my PhD again - we've not really been on speaking terms lately). But I'm done the big, really hard work bit, now it's just a few things to tidy up (I was just told that by a previous graduate and I've decided it's a nice way of looking at life).
But I think I might not actually wrap my head around being a doctor until graduation. For both my MAs I didn't feel done until I held that piece of paper in my hand, even though I'd finished school 6 months before convocation.
It's sort of surreal, actually. All my very supportive friends and family keep calling me Dr. Hetherington, but yet, in my head, nothing has changed. I didn't just wake up and start feeling like 'now I have my PhD'. I'm still stuck somewhere in 'I'm a student' mode. Possibly this is because I have not yet moved from the student lifestyle and mentality onto something that might be considered more 'adult'. I am where I have been for three months, doing exactly the same amount of procrastination I've been doing, it's just no longer considered procrastination. I think, once I'm out in the world working again I will feel less like a student, but until then, I'm just having a bit of a time wrapping my brain around what being a Doctor means.
But, the fact of the matter is that the viva is over (gut wrenchingly terrifying as it was - I don't do well in those sorts of situations, and spent most of the day having a panic attack), and I was told I did really well (despite the panic attack) and should feel pleased about that. It's sort of really a blur (because of the panic attack), but I do know I'm glad it's over and I won't have to do that again (unless I get another hair-brained idea to do a PhD - please stop me if I do). Now I have a few months of corrections to do (well, it'll take a few months, because I think it's going to take me a month or more to work up to actually being able to face editing my PhD again - we've not really been on speaking terms lately). But I'm done the big, really hard work bit, now it's just a few things to tidy up (I was just told that by a previous graduate and I've decided it's a nice way of looking at life).
But I think I might not actually wrap my head around being a doctor until graduation. For both my MAs I didn't feel done until I held that piece of paper in my hand, even though I'd finished school 6 months before convocation.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Viva Prep
It's that time of year. Well, that time of the PhD, at least. It's time to start prepping for the viva.
The PhD experience is a very individual one. Each person has their own project, their own methodology, their own timeline, and, in the end, their own thesis. Though other people are also going through a PhD, they have their own individual journeys and things will never be exactly the same for any two people. So too with the viva (I've been told).
We've been lucky in my department. Very few people have had an awful experience. Partly this is because external examiners are chosen very carefully. A good external and make a viva and a bad one can break it. I know I have a great external (and a good internal, for that matter, though I didn't get to choose). That is the first hurdle out of the way.
The second is writing a good PhD thesis. I think I've done this, but I also know, without a doubt, that there are issues. There unanswered questions or things I probably should have done differently. Every PhD has those, though, and they don't mean it's a bad thesis. Knowing what they are and acknowledging them is a great first step. It means fewer surprises in the viva!
I also know that the viva is as much a mental thing as it is a physical event. I have known a lot of people to freak out before their vivas, convinced that they've ruined their thesis or made so many mistakes there's no way they'll ever pass. I've known others that have torn their research in two, looking for all the things they might get called out on. It's hard not to do any of those things. We're sort of conditioned towards it. It's not easy, critiquing one's work, but you do get good at it while writing a thesis.
The third thing about having a good viva is to just be prepared. It sounds so simple, but it's not easy (but it shouldn't be hard either!) After all, you've done the hard work already. You've researched and written the thing. It's just a matter of defending what you have already done. That's in the past now, and you can't change it. But you can acknowledge that and understand that it was never going to be perfect, and it doesn't need to be.
So, my viva prep will consist of rereading my entire thesis (which I haven't done in two months), and acknowledging what the strengths and weakness are of each chapter, and each of my main arguments. I've already made a list of likely questions (the typical ones most people are asked, and ones specific to my research) and started to make bullet point answers to them. Once I've gone through all the chapters, I'll go back to those questions and have another go (and see if any more questions occur). After that (which I figure will take about 2 weeks), I'll have a brief look to see if (shockingly) anything new has been published on my subject since September last, and then have a look through my external's publications (again) to remind myself where they are coming from (those will take about a week). At that time I'm going to be getting on a place to return to England, so that's my deadline. It also means I'll get a bit of a break right before my viva, because it's hard to concentrate with jet lag!
As for the run-up to my viva, I've got stuff to do and places to be the few days before, so that's good distraction. And I've got an amazing supervisor who has offered to be there if I need help (calming down). And lots of friends around who I am sure would be more than willing to tell me 'It'll be fine!' (or similar versions). Some of them have actually been through vivas and can give me honest and useful advise. I'm relying on that!
But, in the end, the best piece of advice I have ever been given is...enjoy it. It's probably the hardest piece of advice (considering I am A) prone to fists of anxiety and B) a worst-case scenario-ist). I do, however, aim to try.
The PhD experience is a very individual one. Each person has their own project, their own methodology, their own timeline, and, in the end, their own thesis. Though other people are also going through a PhD, they have their own individual journeys and things will never be exactly the same for any two people. So too with the viva (I've been told).
We've been lucky in my department. Very few people have had an awful experience. Partly this is because external examiners are chosen very carefully. A good external and make a viva and a bad one can break it. I know I have a great external (and a good internal, for that matter, though I didn't get to choose). That is the first hurdle out of the way.
The second is writing a good PhD thesis. I think I've done this, but I also know, without a doubt, that there are issues. There unanswered questions or things I probably should have done differently. Every PhD has those, though, and they don't mean it's a bad thesis. Knowing what they are and acknowledging them is a great first step. It means fewer surprises in the viva!
I also know that the viva is as much a mental thing as it is a physical event. I have known a lot of people to freak out before their vivas, convinced that they've ruined their thesis or made so many mistakes there's no way they'll ever pass. I've known others that have torn their research in two, looking for all the things they might get called out on. It's hard not to do any of those things. We're sort of conditioned towards it. It's not easy, critiquing one's work, but you do get good at it while writing a thesis.
The third thing about having a good viva is to just be prepared. It sounds so simple, but it's not easy (but it shouldn't be hard either!) After all, you've done the hard work already. You've researched and written the thing. It's just a matter of defending what you have already done. That's in the past now, and you can't change it. But you can acknowledge that and understand that it was never going to be perfect, and it doesn't need to be.
So, my viva prep will consist of rereading my entire thesis (which I haven't done in two months), and acknowledging what the strengths and weakness are of each chapter, and each of my main arguments. I've already made a list of likely questions (the typical ones most people are asked, and ones specific to my research) and started to make bullet point answers to them. Once I've gone through all the chapters, I'll go back to those questions and have another go (and see if any more questions occur). After that (which I figure will take about 2 weeks), I'll have a brief look to see if (shockingly) anything new has been published on my subject since September last, and then have a look through my external's publications (again) to remind myself where they are coming from (those will take about a week). At that time I'm going to be getting on a place to return to England, so that's my deadline. It also means I'll get a bit of a break right before my viva, because it's hard to concentrate with jet lag!
As for the run-up to my viva, I've got stuff to do and places to be the few days before, so that's good distraction. And I've got an amazing supervisor who has offered to be there if I need help (
But, in the end, the best piece of advice I have ever been given is...enjoy it. It's probably the hardest piece of advice (considering I am A) prone to fists of anxiety and B) a worst-case scenario-ist). I do, however, aim to try.
Monday, March 24, 2014
We Come to it at Last
Yes, I quoted Gandalf. These things are necessary.
This will be my last post from Denmark. I have one week left here before I fly back to London.
It's been a ride, that's for sure. A string of personal issues and problems back in Canada have gone side by side with a really enjoyable time at a new university, with new people, inspiration for my thesis, and exploring a great country. So it's been a roller coaster and no mistake! But that's a bit like life in general, it's just all been condensed into a few short months!
I am looking forward to getting back now. I've reached that tipping point. I miss my giant bed and I definitely miss not having to climb up three flights of stairs with groceries. I also desperately miss the gym across the road and can't wait to get back to exercising. I have to run 5 miles in July, so the training starts next week. And really, I miss the department and all my fellow PhDs (and adopted PhDs). I'll spend the first week just catching up with people! It's the only thing I've really missed the longest, has been having friends around to have coffee with, but I've managed well enough on my own. I'm sort of conditioned to that.
My word count for my thesis is 35,000. I have another 7,000 of that planned out, but the missing 35,000 is what is worrying me. It's three chapters and at this point in time I have no idea what's going to go into them! I have a month now to figure it out (which isn't as long as it sounds). Hence, we come to it at last. This will definitely be the battle part of this thesis writing. I have May through July to draft it, so I am hoping to have a workable and very detailed plan by the beginning of May. The plan is always the hardest part, after that, the writing gets a bit easier. I am looking forward to speaking with Ross again and hoping he's as inspirational as he always has been!
On the other hand of writing (you knew there was going to be another hand), I have two novel ideas outlined, and one of them is at nearly 7000 words already (barely one chapter, in fact). I'm pretty pleased with it as a publishable idea (somewhere in the distant future *cough*nextyear*cough*). I will have to get the short guide book out first, because that's the time sensitive one, but that's Christmas' project. This one can be January or February's project, as knowing me I will probably have it written and edited by then. Because what better to do when you should be writing a PhD then to draft a post-apocalypse romance? Draft a YA mystery instead, I suppose. [Don't ask.]
I'm keeping busy, at least! And feeling generally pretty good about that half of my life. The other half will sort itself out in time.
This will be my last post from Denmark. I have one week left here before I fly back to London.
It's been a ride, that's for sure. A string of personal issues and problems back in Canada have gone side by side with a really enjoyable time at a new university, with new people, inspiration for my thesis, and exploring a great country. So it's been a roller coaster and no mistake! But that's a bit like life in general, it's just all been condensed into a few short months!
I am looking forward to getting back now. I've reached that tipping point. I miss my giant bed and I definitely miss not having to climb up three flights of stairs with groceries. I also desperately miss the gym across the road and can't wait to get back to exercising. I have to run 5 miles in July, so the training starts next week. And really, I miss the department and all my fellow PhDs (and adopted PhDs). I'll spend the first week just catching up with people! It's the only thing I've really missed the longest, has been having friends around to have coffee with, but I've managed well enough on my own. I'm sort of conditioned to that.
My word count for my thesis is 35,000. I have another 7,000 of that planned out, but the missing 35,000 is what is worrying me. It's three chapters and at this point in time I have no idea what's going to go into them! I have a month now to figure it out (which isn't as long as it sounds). Hence, we come to it at last. This will definitely be the battle part of this thesis writing. I have May through July to draft it, so I am hoping to have a workable and very detailed plan by the beginning of May. The plan is always the hardest part, after that, the writing gets a bit easier. I am looking forward to speaking with Ross again and hoping he's as inspirational as he always has been!
On the other hand of writing (you knew there was going to be another hand), I have two novel ideas outlined, and one of them is at nearly 7000 words already (barely one chapter, in fact). I'm pretty pleased with it as a publishable idea (somewhere in the distant future *cough*nextyear*cough*). I will have to get the short guide book out first, because that's the time sensitive one, but that's Christmas' project. This one can be January or February's project, as knowing me I will probably have it written and edited by then. Because what better to do when you should be writing a PhD then to draft a post-apocalypse romance? Draft a YA mystery instead, I suppose. [Don't ask.]
I'm keeping busy, at least! And feeling generally pretty good about that half of my life. The other half will sort itself out in time.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Life in Denmark
This isn't about writing, because I haven't done any of that for ten days (*cough*twoweeks*cough*).
A lot fewer people smoke in Denmark. This is so nice. It means I can walk down the street and not have a coughing fit. It also means that leaving and entering public buildings is mostly safe. It's nice. Why are other countries like this? Namely England, where I can't walk more than a minute anywhere without smelling cigarette smoke.
McDonald's here tastes exactly the same as in Canada, by which I mean the salt is almost at unpalatable levels. Also, you can get mayo with your fries here, but the mayo is different from anywhere else's mayo. It has herbs in it. It's sort of awesome. Except for the salt. On the hamburgers too, not just the fries.
That make a chocolate treat over here that supposed to be for kids, except it has rum in it, so maybe not? It's Toms chocolate turtles and they are like Creme Eggs a bit, except with rum and carmel instead of…whatever that actually is in the centre of a Creme Egg. Also, it's shaped like a turtle, rather than an egg, but it's the same size (though the chocolate is like 50% cocoa, which is awesome).
They have so many grocery stores here. I mean so many different chains, and they are all small, except for Bilka, which is huge like Morrisons or the Sainsburys or Tescos superstores. I haven't been in it yet, but I'm sure I'll go eventually. All the others are small ones, but larger than express stores (that's what 7-elevens are for). Also, there are 7-elevens everywhere, which is weird. In Copenhagen you couldn't drive a golf ball without hitting a 7-eleven.
The pastries aren't as awesome as I was lead to believe. However, the bread is delicious and healthy and yummy!
Food is super expensive. Nearly twice what it is from Morrisons, which is where I usually shop. It's a lot closer in price (but still more expensive) than in Canada, except for milk which is still cheaper. It's more expensive than I thought, so I've stopped trying to do the depressing conversion in my head and hoping that the money the university owes me comes in before next month (seriously, what is taking so long? I've not been paid since the end of November!!!)
I've been basically living off pasta and sauce (homemade though!), stir fries and sandwiches. The meat variety here is awesome though and I'm going to eat so much because when I go back to England I pretty much have to be vegetarian because of my living situation.
Houses here can be old. In fact, the apartment block I am in was built in 1909 and others in this neighbourhood are a decade older than that. But they actually put insulation in them so the walls feel warm when you touch them and the windows have been long since upgraded (before 1999, when my landlady moved in) to double pane. Hallelujah! They also have this weird way that they open, but it works really well and you can feel it when you open them, feel the seal break. Which is comforting.
There is a lot of American telly over here. A LOT. Also, UK telly, but less of it, and it's things like medical dramas and Downton Abbey. They seem to love American sitcoms, which all date back at least a decade. And American cop dramas. Every version of CSI, NCIS, Law and Order, etc, etc, etc. is shown in reruns here. And action movies. Action movies every night.
They also love IKEA, which is understandable, considering, and every city has an IKEA in it (or used to at least). The largest one is here in Odense and I've been reliably told it's the biggest in all of Europe, so I'll have to go and see. IKEA and Bilka together, as they are right beside each other.
They have malls here too. Proper indoor malls (like Highcross in Leicester) and about the same size. It's very American, because it's way out on the edge of the city and surrounded by parking lots (unlike Highcross, but very like Mapleview in Canada). The bus passes by it on the way to and from campus so I shall have to stop one day.
I've costed it out and it makes the most sense to get a bus pass, which gets you discounted travel, rather than rent a bike. A bike is going to be about 100k a week and the bus is only about 50k a week, or less if I don't use it (I only pay no the pass for what I use, whereas with the bike I pay whether I use it or not). So considering the weather is basically freezing and wet, I've opted for the bus pass, at least for the next while. If spring arrives I may reconsider.
I've also decided to stay in Odense for the duration. There is the opportunity to move to Roskilde, near Copenhagen, but then I'll have to go through moving all over again, and that took a week out of my schedule. I really don't have time for that, and also there is an issue with office/work space in Roskilde that would be problematic. I wouldn't have a desk in my room, so could only use the office on campus, which means only working in restricted hours, not when I feel like it. That doesn't really work for me. Also, I don't like sitting on my bed with my computer, even when I'm just surfing the internet. I find it awkward. It seems such a little thing, but it's important to how I work so I can't ignore that. It's just easier to stay here. There's a conference in March anyways that I'll go to so I'll get to meet the Roskilde people then.
My landlady is really nice. She's very direct, which is a nice change, and we've had some great conversations. She let me gone on for an hour about the Camino a few nights ago, which I thought was really nice of her. I found it quite cathartic to reminisce and be honest too and to tell it to someone who knows what it is and knows people who have walked, but isn't clear on the details (she is now!). She also seemed genuinely interested, and it's nice to have a captive audience. I have to say that no one else has really asked me about it much since I got back, beyond the simplistic 'so, how was it?' It was great to talk it out, anyways. I should get back to finishing that book. It's nearly done. Gulla works away from the house, so she's gone sometimes as much as five days a week and other times only one day a week, depending on her schedule. Last week was 5, this week is 2, next week is none, but then it's 5 again the week after. It's really quiet when she's not here, but that's kind of nice too. I can come and go as I please either way, but I've gotten used to having someone else in the house in the last couple of years.
Once the weather improves I will do the tourist thing in Odense. There's several museums here worth visiting, and a really nice looking cathedral, and also a lot of park and trail to walk when it's not -6C outside. I've been told spring usually comes in around mid-February so only a few weeks left to wait before I can go explore. It's nice to have those to look forward to. There's two great outdoor museums here too, but they don't open until May, unfortunately. Still, I might rent a bike for a few days in March if the weather is really good and go out for a ride in the country. I can probably ride *around* Odense in a day, and everywhere here is flat. Flat flat flat.
I need to edit Chapter 2 of my thesis (okay, a bit about writing) and add a couple thousand more words (I know what they need to be, it's just…well, adding them). I hope to get that done by early February so I can edit Chapters 1 and 3 properly before the end of the month and also get some more reading done for Chapter 4, which I can then write in March. That's my deadline for the first half of the thesis, is the end of March. Then the end of July for the second half, and the conclusion to draft in August. And then three months to solely edit (mostly the second half). I think that's doable. Hopefully. That might depend on my editor's schedule, but I can hope she's as available as she said she would be. She is only allowed to do spelling/grammar editing anyways, so that shouldn't (ha!) take too long. My advisors are doing the content editing, as they should. Hopefully they don't disagree! I think I'll send Dave only parts to edit, the parts I'm really not sure on, rather than the whole thing because that's a lot for him to work through. Ross, after all, has already gotten a quarter of it by now!
I think this is long enough, yes?
A lot fewer people smoke in Denmark. This is so nice. It means I can walk down the street and not have a coughing fit. It also means that leaving and entering public buildings is mostly safe. It's nice. Why are other countries like this? Namely England, where I can't walk more than a minute anywhere without smelling cigarette smoke.
McDonald's here tastes exactly the same as in Canada, by which I mean the salt is almost at unpalatable levels. Also, you can get mayo with your fries here, but the mayo is different from anywhere else's mayo. It has herbs in it. It's sort of awesome. Except for the salt. On the hamburgers too, not just the fries.
That make a chocolate treat over here that supposed to be for kids, except it has rum in it, so maybe not? It's Toms chocolate turtles and they are like Creme Eggs a bit, except with rum and carmel instead of…whatever that actually is in the centre of a Creme Egg. Also, it's shaped like a turtle, rather than an egg, but it's the same size (though the chocolate is like 50% cocoa, which is awesome).
They have so many grocery stores here. I mean so many different chains, and they are all small, except for Bilka, which is huge like Morrisons or the Sainsburys or Tescos superstores. I haven't been in it yet, but I'm sure I'll go eventually. All the others are small ones, but larger than express stores (that's what 7-elevens are for). Also, there are 7-elevens everywhere, which is weird. In Copenhagen you couldn't drive a golf ball without hitting a 7-eleven.
The pastries aren't as awesome as I was lead to believe. However, the bread is delicious and healthy and yummy!
Food is super expensive. Nearly twice what it is from Morrisons, which is where I usually shop. It's a lot closer in price (but still more expensive) than in Canada, except for milk which is still cheaper. It's more expensive than I thought, so I've stopped trying to do the depressing conversion in my head and hoping that the money the university owes me comes in before next month (seriously, what is taking so long? I've not been paid since the end of November!!!)
I've been basically living off pasta and sauce (homemade though!), stir fries and sandwiches. The meat variety here is awesome though and I'm going to eat so much because when I go back to England I pretty much have to be vegetarian because of my living situation.
Houses here can be old. In fact, the apartment block I am in was built in 1909 and others in this neighbourhood are a decade older than that. But they actually put insulation in them so the walls feel warm when you touch them and the windows have been long since upgraded (before 1999, when my landlady moved in) to double pane. Hallelujah! They also have this weird way that they open, but it works really well and you can feel it when you open them, feel the seal break. Which is comforting.
There is a lot of American telly over here. A LOT. Also, UK telly, but less of it, and it's things like medical dramas and Downton Abbey. They seem to love American sitcoms, which all date back at least a decade. And American cop dramas. Every version of CSI, NCIS, Law and Order, etc, etc, etc. is shown in reruns here. And action movies. Action movies every night.
They also love IKEA, which is understandable, considering, and every city has an IKEA in it (or used to at least). The largest one is here in Odense and I've been reliably told it's the biggest in all of Europe, so I'll have to go and see. IKEA and Bilka together, as they are right beside each other.
They have malls here too. Proper indoor malls (like Highcross in Leicester) and about the same size. It's very American, because it's way out on the edge of the city and surrounded by parking lots (unlike Highcross, but very like Mapleview in Canada). The bus passes by it on the way to and from campus so I shall have to stop one day.
I've costed it out and it makes the most sense to get a bus pass, which gets you discounted travel, rather than rent a bike. A bike is going to be about 100k a week and the bus is only about 50k a week, or less if I don't use it (I only pay no the pass for what I use, whereas with the bike I pay whether I use it or not). So considering the weather is basically freezing and wet, I've opted for the bus pass, at least for the next while. If spring arrives I may reconsider.
I've also decided to stay in Odense for the duration. There is the opportunity to move to Roskilde, near Copenhagen, but then I'll have to go through moving all over again, and that took a week out of my schedule. I really don't have time for that, and also there is an issue with office/work space in Roskilde that would be problematic. I wouldn't have a desk in my room, so could only use the office on campus, which means only working in restricted hours, not when I feel like it. That doesn't really work for me. Also, I don't like sitting on my bed with my computer, even when I'm just surfing the internet. I find it awkward. It seems such a little thing, but it's important to how I work so I can't ignore that. It's just easier to stay here. There's a conference in March anyways that I'll go to so I'll get to meet the Roskilde people then.
My landlady is really nice. She's very direct, which is a nice change, and we've had some great conversations. She let me gone on for an hour about the Camino a few nights ago, which I thought was really nice of her. I found it quite cathartic to reminisce and be honest too and to tell it to someone who knows what it is and knows people who have walked, but isn't clear on the details (she is now!). She also seemed genuinely interested, and it's nice to have a captive audience. I have to say that no one else has really asked me about it much since I got back, beyond the simplistic 'so, how was it?' It was great to talk it out, anyways. I should get back to finishing that book. It's nearly done. Gulla works away from the house, so she's gone sometimes as much as five days a week and other times only one day a week, depending on her schedule. Last week was 5, this week is 2, next week is none, but then it's 5 again the week after. It's really quiet when she's not here, but that's kind of nice too. I can come and go as I please either way, but I've gotten used to having someone else in the house in the last couple of years.
Once the weather improves I will do the tourist thing in Odense. There's several museums here worth visiting, and a really nice looking cathedral, and also a lot of park and trail to walk when it's not -6C outside. I've been told spring usually comes in around mid-February so only a few weeks left to wait before I can go explore. It's nice to have those to look forward to. There's two great outdoor museums here too, but they don't open until May, unfortunately. Still, I might rent a bike for a few days in March if the weather is really good and go out for a ride in the country. I can probably ride *around* Odense in a day, and everywhere here is flat. Flat flat flat.
I need to edit Chapter 2 of my thesis (okay, a bit about writing) and add a couple thousand more words (I know what they need to be, it's just…well, adding them). I hope to get that done by early February so I can edit Chapters 1 and 3 properly before the end of the month and also get some more reading done for Chapter 4, which I can then write in March. That's my deadline for the first half of the thesis, is the end of March. Then the end of July for the second half, and the conclusion to draft in August. And then three months to solely edit (mostly the second half). I think that's doable. Hopefully. That might depend on my editor's schedule, but I can hope she's as available as she said she would be. She is only allowed to do spelling/grammar editing anyways, so that shouldn't (ha!) take too long. My advisors are doing the content editing, as they should. Hopefully they don't disagree! I think I'll send Dave only parts to edit, the parts I'm really not sure on, rather than the whole thing because that's a lot for him to work through. Ross, after all, has already gotten a quarter of it by now!
I think this is long enough, yes?
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Welcomings
Term has started. Two weeks ago nearly, but I spent the first week of it in bed with one of the worst colds I've ever had. Lovely beginning. However, I managed to drug myself enough to be seen in public by last Wednesday to attend the PhD induction.
We have a great collection of new PhDs starting this year and they are all really eager to be involved, even our DLs! That's so nice as we have plenty for them to do!
I always feel a bit strange at the start of term these days. Because it's not the start of term for me. Term doesn't really exist as a concept. As a PhD we go to school 12 months of the year and we don't get 'holidays' at set times (except Christmas and Easter days as those are legal holidays) but whenever we want to take them. The start of autumn term used to mean something to me, but it really doesn't anymore. It's strange with new students starting when I feel like 'last year' hasn't ended! Also, we have PhDs that start in January and April, so the whole thing becomes somewhat muddled.
But enough about the optimistic side of this post. This is about writing, yes? And writing I should be! Having managed to put aside the 'book' for the moment (hopefully until Christmas) I should be concentrating on writing a thesis chapter...but I'm still reading! I can't seem to stop. I know there's nothing 'new' to read, but reading I am still doing. And the last two weeks of so many events and meetings has cut into reading time. Today I hoped to get a chapter outline done, but it's 11am and I have a meeting at 3pm and I still have to grocery shop so...not likely to happen today. And tomorrow is a workshop all day, so not likely then either. I guess that is Saturday's project but...Saturday is the 12th! The chapter is due the 29th! That's not much time to write 8000 words...but it's going to have to be. I am more than a little nervous. I've written for the PhD already, but with the knowledge that what I've written will be rewritten for the thesis. This will be a draft chapter and will only really be 'edited' next year. That's a lot of pressure. I understand how everyone else in the writing up area feels right now.
But needs must. I promised Ross (and I don't disappoint Ross, even if I don't get anything else done this month). I must get that transcription finished though, I really must. By Hallowe'en. At least.
So many things to do, so little time. I've not been this busy in a while!
We have a great collection of new PhDs starting this year and they are all really eager to be involved, even our DLs! That's so nice as we have plenty for them to do!
I always feel a bit strange at the start of term these days. Because it's not the start of term for me. Term doesn't really exist as a concept. As a PhD we go to school 12 months of the year and we don't get 'holidays' at set times (except Christmas and Easter days as those are legal holidays) but whenever we want to take them. The start of autumn term used to mean something to me, but it really doesn't anymore. It's strange with new students starting when I feel like 'last year' hasn't ended! Also, we have PhDs that start in January and April, so the whole thing becomes somewhat muddled.
But enough about the optimistic side of this post. This is about writing, yes? And writing I should be! Having managed to put aside the 'book' for the moment (hopefully until Christmas) I should be concentrating on writing a thesis chapter...but I'm still reading! I can't seem to stop. I know there's nothing 'new' to read, but reading I am still doing. And the last two weeks of so many events and meetings has cut into reading time. Today I hoped to get a chapter outline done, but it's 11am and I have a meeting at 3pm and I still have to grocery shop so...not likely to happen today. And tomorrow is a workshop all day, so not likely then either. I guess that is Saturday's project but...Saturday is the 12th! The chapter is due the 29th! That's not much time to write 8000 words...but it's going to have to be. I am more than a little nervous. I've written for the PhD already, but with the knowledge that what I've written will be rewritten for the thesis. This will be a draft chapter and will only really be 'edited' next year. That's a lot of pressure. I understand how everyone else in the writing up area feels right now.
But needs must. I promised Ross (and I don't disappoint Ross, even if I don't get anything else done this month). I must get that transcription finished though, I really must. By Hallowe'en. At least.
So many things to do, so little time. I've not been this busy in a while!
Monday, August 5, 2013
Tempus Fugit
Yes, I've been waiting to use that one for a while now. The problem is, it works for *every single post*.
It's been more than a month since I last updated this blog. This is owing to a lot of things, namely being forgetful. Also namely having a PhD crisis, as one does in one's second year. It's like the mid-life crisis for PhD students. It sucks, incidentally, but we all have one and you get over it, or you quit your PhD. I got over it.
In other news, I haven't written anything in ages, for anything, and it's probably one of the main reasons I feel so on edge lately. 3000 words for an annual review (twice) don't count. I would almost like to be writing a paper right now, because at least it would give me a focus, but I've no time for it. I have no time for fic either, and no ideas for it (though I must come up with 9000 words before the end of the year, because my OCD says so). So regarding a blog about writing, I've not done much writing to blog about. And it's not like any of you want to know about the rest of my life right? ;)
It feels like Spain was forever ago. And each week that passes and I get more anxious to be back there. I hope that reaches a plateau (or peak) soon or it's going to become unbearable. I think the problem with once in a lifetime trips is that as soon as they are over you don't want them to be 'once' in a lifetime trips. Clearly this will not be, even if I do a different camino next time. Or the c2c, which one of my camino pals just finished (across northern England, sea to sea) for 300km. I wish I had the time this year to go, but I'll be lucky to get a few days in Paris this Autumn now. And next year, I have no idea when I'll find the time to take any holidays! Though I want to find a week to go to Europe, somewhere. I would love to take the train from Bern to Vianna (or vis versa). And there is Ascot, which I will get to next year, because it may be my last chance! And 3 months in Denmark...but that's not a holiday.
In other words, a lot of my life is rather up in the air right now (in so very many ways) and I am both looking forward to and fearing the day it all comes crashing back down to earth. Because there's no knowing where the pieces will land. On the upshot, at least I will know where things stand again.
Limbo, I think that's what this is.
It's been more than a month since I last updated this blog. This is owing to a lot of things, namely being forgetful. Also namely having a PhD crisis, as one does in one's second year. It's like the mid-life crisis for PhD students. It sucks, incidentally, but we all have one and you get over it, or you quit your PhD. I got over it.
In other news, I haven't written anything in ages, for anything, and it's probably one of the main reasons I feel so on edge lately. 3000 words for an annual review (twice) don't count. I would almost like to be writing a paper right now, because at least it would give me a focus, but I've no time for it. I have no time for fic either, and no ideas for it (though I must come up with 9000 words before the end of the year, because my OCD says so). So regarding a blog about writing, I've not done much writing to blog about. And it's not like any of you want to know about the rest of my life right? ;)
It feels like Spain was forever ago. And each week that passes and I get more anxious to be back there. I hope that reaches a plateau (or peak) soon or it's going to become unbearable. I think the problem with once in a lifetime trips is that as soon as they are over you don't want them to be 'once' in a lifetime trips. Clearly this will not be, even if I do a different camino next time. Or the c2c, which one of my camino pals just finished (across northern England, sea to sea) for 300km. I wish I had the time this year to go, but I'll be lucky to get a few days in Paris this Autumn now. And next year, I have no idea when I'll find the time to take any holidays! Though I want to find a week to go to Europe, somewhere. I would love to take the train from Bern to Vianna (or vis versa). And there is Ascot, which I will get to next year, because it may be my last chance! And 3 months in Denmark...but that's not a holiday.
In other words, a lot of my life is rather up in the air right now (in so very many ways) and I am both looking forward to and fearing the day it all comes crashing back down to earth. Because there's no knowing where the pieces will land. On the upshot, at least I will know where things stand again.
Limbo, I think that's what this is.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Adventure Awaits
18 days to go, which pretty much means I am through to the ‘can
I just go already?’ stage of anxiety. The problem with being so organised is
that I tend to me too organised and
thus I am packed and planned and ready to go. Unfortunately, the plane doesn’t
leave until the 30th. Or so my ticket says.
The good news is that I am over the sheer moments of terror
and onto the sheer moments of excitement (interspersed with the usual anxiety
attacks). I have rather a lot to distract me for the next two weeks, which is a
very good thing, I think. However, it also means I have rather a lot of work to
do before I leave and I’m running out of time to do it! Whoever said the good
things in life take forever to arrive got it wrong. I have no idea where the
last three and a half months have gone, much less the last twelve since I
started planning this crazy idea!
I’m still a bit worried (more than a bit) about my foot. The
injury seems to be mostly healed, but I’m terrified of reinjuring it again in
the first few days of really difficult climbing. I think if I can get through
those I’ll be okay, but if I do myself in then that’s it. It’s taken weeks to
be pain free this time, and I don’t have weeks to rest next time. Though I
know, in my heart, I’ll push on even in pain as long as I can. I don’t want to
leave Chantel on her own or miss out on the whole experience! I guess I face a potential
summer on crutches, but there are worse things.
Tomorrow I am off to Cambridge to either A) visit IWM
Duxford or B) visit the Fitzwilliam. Which one will depend on what the weather
does, as there is a significant chance of rain. Why do I always visit Cambridge
in the rain? On the upshot, it’s supposed to be mild and not windy, so so far I
am enjoying this year’s version of ‘Spring’. It’s so much better than winter
that I really don’t mind the rain at all. In Spain it’s 25* and sunny, which is
very, very bad for hiking, so I will enjoy the rain and cooler temps for now
before I face a daily battle against heat stroke. What fun that will be.
My field work is going along quite well and the worry that I
wouldn’t get everything done for that before the end of the month is gone. All
meetings have now been arranged and I should get them all finished next week.
Just a few more emails to send about summer field research and I’m on track for
June! If the other work was going as well I’d feel better, but one out of two
isn’t bad, right? The marking nightmare is over, at least, and the money is
very useful. Glad to not be dealing with the next round however, because as
interesting as this assignment was, marking it was mentally exhausting. All
good for the CV.
My big challenge before the end of this month is writing an
abstract proposal for the PhD conference. I have no idea what to do for it, but
I want the abstract to be good! I’ve got 17 days to figure something out. 250
words shouldn’t be that hard….but it is.
Lastly, the exciting news of the week is that I’m moving
Denmark for a term next year. I’m more than thrilled to have this finalised, as
it’s an excellent opportunity to study with the leader in my field of research
and to interact with PhD students in another country. Very much looking forward
to this and already I can’t wait until January!
Friday, February 8, 2013
Enough Books to Make an Xmas Tree
That may mean something to a few of you, if you saw the picture going around last month about the xmas tree made from books and hung with lights. I seem to be collecting again. I mean, really, I bought another copy of The Hobbit, because I left my other two in Canada and it'll take the next 12 months to get a copy from the public library. Of course, I refuse to read it for the next 18 months, so I still have very little idea why I bought it. Except that it's the movie copy, so...excuses? I also purchased Anna Karenina in the theory that, if I own it, I will be more likely to read it.
[Once I finish the never-ending books that are Cloud Atlas and Battle Royale, that is.]
Nearly 2000 pages of words to read. However, the xmas tree would be made of only research-related books, which should freighten anyone who has been a student. The MAs keep recalling them to the library, which is annoying me, since it means I have to get what I need from them before they disappear again. Interestingly enough, most of the books in my current posession in Leicester seem to be history related or technology related and not museum related. Hum.
You remember how, in August, I said I was giving up writing? Well, Things Happened and that is no longer the case. I am currently allowing it because [I have no choice] it's a pleasant distraction from my field work and I have the time. Ish. And I'm not exactly ashamed of these fandoms right now (though possibly the fics themselves). There are also people to blame and you know how I love to justify my writing by blaming others for the plot bunnies! Names beginning with P, K and...PJ...are currently on the 'bad influence' list. Funny, how they've been the culprits for several years (*cough*10*cough*) now. I need to find new people, clearly. At least there is no sign of another 50k story in the works. I can't deal with that this year.
It's winter again and so, naturally, Spain feels like a long way away. It's less than three months now (I need to do my Spanish lesson today...) and I think I'm slowly getting ready. The legs don't hurt quite as much after a round at the gym, so that's a good sign! Also, I've been walking a great deal around Leicester these days, and will continue too and next week I'll be standing a great deal. All of this should be good exericse. Of course, nice weather would be better exercise...
I am contemplating house moving. I don't want to, really, because that's a huge hassle and will involve renting a van to get everything moved. Also, anywhere I go is going to be much more money than I currently pay and that's a hassle. And, lastly, I can't find anywhere with an 18 month contract, so I'd have to move *again* next year. Choices, choices. I think I'm too tired to deal with it, really. So many other things going on and trying to decide if I'd rather be warm next winter or broke is about more than I can handle right now. Adult problems, world, adult problems. Also, possibly, First World problems, but there you go.
Right: book, lunch, [Spooks], gym. The order is still up for grabs.
[Once I finish the never-ending books that are Cloud Atlas and Battle Royale, that is.]
Nearly 2000 pages of words to read. However, the xmas tree would be made of only research-related books, which should freighten anyone who has been a student. The MAs keep recalling them to the library, which is annoying me, since it means I have to get what I need from them before they disappear again. Interestingly enough, most of the books in my current posession in Leicester seem to be history related or technology related and not museum related. Hum.
You remember how, in August, I said I was giving up writing? Well, Things Happened and that is no longer the case. I am currently allowing it because [I have no choice] it's a pleasant distraction from my field work and I have the time. Ish. And I'm not exactly ashamed of these fandoms right now (though possibly the fics themselves). There are also people to blame and you know how I love to justify my writing by blaming others for the plot bunnies! Names beginning with P, K and...PJ...are currently on the 'bad influence' list. Funny, how they've been the culprits for several years (*cough*10*cough*) now. I need to find new people, clearly. At least there is no sign of another 50k story in the works. I can't deal with that this year.
It's winter again and so, naturally, Spain feels like a long way away. It's less than three months now (I need to do my Spanish lesson today...) and I think I'm slowly getting ready. The legs don't hurt quite as much after a round at the gym, so that's a good sign! Also, I've been walking a great deal around Leicester these days, and will continue too and next week I'll be standing a great deal. All of this should be good exericse. Of course, nice weather would be better exercise...
I am contemplating house moving. I don't want to, really, because that's a huge hassle and will involve renting a van to get everything moved. Also, anywhere I go is going to be much more money than I currently pay and that's a hassle. And, lastly, I can't find anywhere with an 18 month contract, so I'd have to move *again* next year. Choices, choices. I think I'm too tired to deal with it, really. So many other things going on and trying to decide if I'd rather be warm next winter or broke is about more than I can handle right now. Adult problems, world, adult problems. Also, possibly, First World problems, but there you go.
Right: book, lunch, [Spooks], gym. The order is still up for grabs.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Writing Insanity
I often blame other people for my writing mistakes. Well, I say mistakes, but they rarely are actual mistakes. I regret them nonetheless.
Case in point: I have been struggling to write a challenge story for a contest I signed up for months ago. It's due next month. I have about 1000 words of at least 10k written. And it's not going well. Often when this sort of things happens, I try to go and write something completely different in the hope that it will inspire me. Naturally, it's something I complain to my writing friends about. It's why I have writing friends, after all, for the days when I can't write a thing.
Newest writing friend has been suggesting for days that I write something silly and funny and ridiculous, partly to entertain her and partly to just get the juices flowing again. I'd been doing very well ignoring this advice (I hate writing crack fic, I always feel slightly unclean afterwards), but yesterday it all went down hill. Which resulting in a texting war and a rather fangirl-y conversation on the phone...and two chapters of a story I have no interest in writing. My muse rarely cares about what I want.
What really bugs me is that I think it's actually helped. If I can get this silly crack fic done, I can get back to writing what I need to be writing (which isn't true, as I need to be writing my phd research, not fiction).
None of this is the reason I've been quiet again as of late. The reason for that is a whole mound of new duties in the department, a further increase in my already pretty bad stress levels, moving house (which took 3 days and resulted in a bad back) and a pastoral issue with one of the 'students' I'm now responsible for (which is still ongoing as of an hour ago, and looks like it will continue all week). There just aren't enough hours in the day!
Oh, and I have a telly again, so there's even fewer hours of 'work' time available.
Case in point: I have been struggling to write a challenge story for a contest I signed up for months ago. It's due next month. I have about 1000 words of at least 10k written. And it's not going well. Often when this sort of things happens, I try to go and write something completely different in the hope that it will inspire me. Naturally, it's something I complain to my writing friends about. It's why I have writing friends, after all, for the days when I can't write a thing.
Newest writing friend has been suggesting for days that I write something silly and funny and ridiculous, partly to entertain her and partly to just get the juices flowing again. I'd been doing very well ignoring this advice (I hate writing crack fic, I always feel slightly unclean afterwards), but yesterday it all went down hill. Which resulting in a texting war and a rather fangirl-y conversation on the phone...and two chapters of a story I have no interest in writing. My muse rarely cares about what I want.
What really bugs me is that I think it's actually helped. If I can get this silly crack fic done, I can get back to writing what I need to be writing (which isn't true, as I need to be writing my phd research, not fiction).
None of this is the reason I've been quiet again as of late. The reason for that is a whole mound of new duties in the department, a further increase in my already pretty bad stress levels, moving house (which took 3 days and resulted in a bad back) and a pastoral issue with one of the 'students' I'm now responsible for (which is still ongoing as of an hour ago, and looks like it will continue all week). There just aren't enough hours in the day!
Oh, and I have a telly again, so there's even fewer hours of 'work' time available.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
The Mythical Research Week
When I arrived at university last October, people talked about 'Research Week'. For the first month I had absolutely no idea what they were on about. After that, I equated Research Week with APG exam and so in my head, all winter long, it meant a week of dread.
It wasn't until the spring, after the conference ended, that I started to figure out why the senior students actually liked Research Week. Now that it's over, I still see why they enjoy it so much, but I am equally obvious now as to why the first years will always view it with a sense of dread.
Yes, there was the APG (I passed), and the presentation (went great), and a lot of stress leading up to it. But Research Week is a lot less about research and a lot more about a chance to spend time with other PhDs, especially the distance students I've never met or don't see often, and just talk about things. Talk about our reading, our writing, our projects, anything and everything that interests us. It's an entire week dedicated to just that. No one does work. It's wonderful, actually, to have that chance, every year. I am definitely looking forward to next year's, where I will have no duties to perform whatsoever!
But now, Research Week is over, and it's on to the epic uphill battle that is the PhD. I have a new methodology, a new timeline for work, and new deadlines for the next few months. Also, I have about 10 new duties in the department. Yikes! It is going to be a very busy year, and a very busy 18 months, but then I will have a thesis to write and then I will have a doctorate, so every second of it is worth it!
I will have posts to come over the next months on early field work and such things, and also about the new term starting. And there may be a post about the last fic for the next few years that I am writing this summer (my last multi-chapter fic, at least). I've not forgotten about this blog, I promise, I just have 3 others to manage!
It wasn't until the spring, after the conference ended, that I started to figure out why the senior students actually liked Research Week. Now that it's over, I still see why they enjoy it so much, but I am equally obvious now as to why the first years will always view it with a sense of dread.
Yes, there was the APG (I passed), and the presentation (went great), and a lot of stress leading up to it. But Research Week is a lot less about research and a lot more about a chance to spend time with other PhDs, especially the distance students I've never met or don't see often, and just talk about things. Talk about our reading, our writing, our projects, anything and everything that interests us. It's an entire week dedicated to just that. No one does work. It's wonderful, actually, to have that chance, every year. I am definitely looking forward to next year's, where I will have no duties to perform whatsoever!
But now, Research Week is over, and it's on to the epic uphill battle that is the PhD. I have a new methodology, a new timeline for work, and new deadlines for the next few months. Also, I have about 10 new duties in the department. Yikes! It is going to be a very busy year, and a very busy 18 months, but then I will have a thesis to write and then I will have a doctorate, so every second of it is worth it!
I will have posts to come over the next months on early field work and such things, and also about the new term starting. And there may be a post about the last fic for the next few years that I am writing this summer (my last multi-chapter fic, at least). I've not forgotten about this blog, I promise, I just have 3 others to manage!
Monday, April 2, 2012
The Things They Don't Tell You
There is a very long list.
When you apply for a PhD programme at a university, you focus on the practicalities of it. The references letters you need to get; the previous transcripts you need to track down; the proposal that has to be crafted and perfected and, rather more importantly, the research question that you really need to think of. And it really needs to sound good.
After this, when you are accepted into your university of choice (one hopes), you are so thrilled that the practicalities of what is about to happen end up forgotten for a good few months. And then you become so busy with moving to a new place, administration, familiarisation and meeting people that, once more, you forget why you are there in the first place.
For the first week or so after you begin your PhD programme, things chug along like any other degree. It is only after a week or two goes by that you realise that you aren’t actually attending classes. This is the biggest difference from any previous degree. Another week or two after that, and the introductory weeks of meetings and seminars and mad scrambling to figure things out wears off and you have a sudden epiphany: you are going to be here for the next three years with your nose in a book, your fingers on the keyboard and, if you are very lucky, occasional breaks for fieldwork in a city that is not this one. Somewhere about November , the reality of the situation sinks in. It is at this point that all the things that you were told in the first few weeks become completely meaningless.
The first thing that they tell you during orientation is that doing a PhD is a 9-5 job. This is truth. What they don’t add to that statement is that, outside of those hours, there are departmental obligations, teaching, admin work, independent projects, research that is not your own, volunteer jobs, actual jobs, and an endless list of things that, although not mandatory, you really are supposed to show up for. Quickly, your 9-5 Monday to Friday week becomes your 8-8 Monday-Saturday week. Other weeks, there are no Sundays either. Sometimes there will be so much work that you will go weeks without taking more than a few hours off one afternoon to run into the centre for a few things of importance. You will exhaust yourself. You will never take a holiday unless you specifically plan one. Christmas is meaningless unless you go somewhere else where you are completely unable to do work. When the undergraduates and graduate students get reading week and Easter holidays, you will quietly glare at them behind their backs and go back to reading the stack of books on your desk.
But that’s alright, because you will quickly find that any attempts to actually take a holiday that does not go to the extreme of going away and leaving your computer behind, will not amount to anything. You will not be able to turn your brain off. Half-way through your Christmas holidays you will wake up at 2am one day with a brilliant idea of yet another aspect of your thesis that you need to research. And all you will want to do is research it right that moment. We do not do a PhD thesis because we are bored. We do it because we are passionate about the topic, we believe in its importance to the industry or even the world, and we enjoy it. You live, you breathe and you sleep your research questions.
It’s not a 9-5 job, but I quickly realised, around about my third supervision meeting in as many weeks, in the third week of October with a 5000 word paper due already that that was completely okay. I’d be bored otherwise. 9-5 leaves a lot of free hours to twiddle your thumbs. No doubt many of you would argue that that leaves a great many hours for a social life, but that is what undergrad is for. Your social life quickly steps aside in the face of a burning research question that may change your chosen field of study. Occasionally you will miss it, and that will lead to dinner or a quick coffee with someone who is also so busy with their own research that finding a moment that you are both free will take weeks to organise. And neither of you will actually mind this fact. You will live with people for the sake of your sanity, because otherwise you will go days without seeing another human being. You will go to the office, not because it is conducive to work, but because every once in a while you really do need to remind yourself that there are dozens of other people in your department in the same boat as you. Most days, that is all the comfort you need.
There will be days where you absolutely love what you do and what you are researching. You will remember why you wanted to spend three years doing this in the first place. There are other days where you will question everything; your sanity and your thesis question included. And there will be a great many middle days. That is the rollercoaster that is life. And it is a thrilling ride.
When you apply for a PhD programme at a university, you focus on the practicalities of it. The references letters you need to get; the previous transcripts you need to track down; the proposal that has to be crafted and perfected and, rather more importantly, the research question that you really need to think of. And it really needs to sound good.
After this, when you are accepted into your university of choice (one hopes), you are so thrilled that the practicalities of what is about to happen end up forgotten for a good few months. And then you become so busy with moving to a new place, administration, familiarisation and meeting people that, once more, you forget why you are there in the first place.
For the first week or so after you begin your PhD programme, things chug along like any other degree. It is only after a week or two goes by that you realise that you aren’t actually attending classes. This is the biggest difference from any previous degree. Another week or two after that, and the introductory weeks of meetings and seminars and mad scrambling to figure things out wears off and you have a sudden epiphany: you are going to be here for the next three years with your nose in a book, your fingers on the keyboard and, if you are very lucky, occasional breaks for fieldwork in a city that is not this one. Somewhere about November , the reality of the situation sinks in. It is at this point that all the things that you were told in the first few weeks become completely meaningless.
The first thing that they tell you during orientation is that doing a PhD is a 9-5 job. This is truth. What they don’t add to that statement is that, outside of those hours, there are departmental obligations, teaching, admin work, independent projects, research that is not your own, volunteer jobs, actual jobs, and an endless list of things that, although not mandatory, you really are supposed to show up for. Quickly, your 9-5 Monday to Friday week becomes your 8-8 Monday-Saturday week. Other weeks, there are no Sundays either. Sometimes there will be so much work that you will go weeks without taking more than a few hours off one afternoon to run into the centre for a few things of importance. You will exhaust yourself. You will never take a holiday unless you specifically plan one. Christmas is meaningless unless you go somewhere else where you are completely unable to do work. When the undergraduates and graduate students get reading week and Easter holidays, you will quietly glare at them behind their backs and go back to reading the stack of books on your desk.
But that’s alright, because you will quickly find that any attempts to actually take a holiday that does not go to the extreme of going away and leaving your computer behind, will not amount to anything. You will not be able to turn your brain off. Half-way through your Christmas holidays you will wake up at 2am one day with a brilliant idea of yet another aspect of your thesis that you need to research. And all you will want to do is research it right that moment. We do not do a PhD thesis because we are bored. We do it because we are passionate about the topic, we believe in its importance to the industry or even the world, and we enjoy it. You live, you breathe and you sleep your research questions.
It’s not a 9-5 job, but I quickly realised, around about my third supervision meeting in as many weeks, in the third week of October with a 5000 word paper due already that that was completely okay. I’d be bored otherwise. 9-5 leaves a lot of free hours to twiddle your thumbs. No doubt many of you would argue that that leaves a great many hours for a social life, but that is what undergrad is for. Your social life quickly steps aside in the face of a burning research question that may change your chosen field of study. Occasionally you will miss it, and that will lead to dinner or a quick coffee with someone who is also so busy with their own research that finding a moment that you are both free will take weeks to organise. And neither of you will actually mind this fact. You will live with people for the sake of your sanity, because otherwise you will go days without seeing another human being. You will go to the office, not because it is conducive to work, but because every once in a while you really do need to remind yourself that there are dozens of other people in your department in the same boat as you. Most days, that is all the comfort you need.
There will be days where you absolutely love what you do and what you are researching. You will remember why you wanted to spend three years doing this in the first place. There are other days where you will question everything; your sanity and your thesis question included. And there will be a great many middle days. That is the rollercoaster that is life. And it is a thrilling ride.
Monday, March 5, 2012
The Way
Gosh, I'm not even certain where to start!
February is, for me, usually a month that basically passes by without my really acknowleding it. Case in point: it's usually the month I go on holidays, which makes it even shorter. This year, however, things took a bit of a different turn. I've been trying my very best to involve myself in my PhD department, without really making much headway. I tend to say I will do something and then never quite get around to it. In February, all of that changed! I have now become the Social Media Moderator for the PhD department, which includes a blog, a Facebook group and a Twitter account to manage and keep up-to-date and interesting! I will also, this month, become the first PhD Student Blogger for the university at large, which I am looking forward to. I already have my first few posts lined up! It will mean that I will now have five blogs, some personal, some professional to look after, so I hope I don't neglect any of them (for more than a week at a time). I will try to update this one every month, as I do now.
I have also, though I'm not certain how as it was unintentioned, been marked as the tech person in the department. I attribute this to the fact that our current tech person is involved in a two month long project and mostly unavailable for daily questions. So I'm it. Lucky me. I try to avoid things like this, but since I automatically say 'yes' whenever people ask for help, I guess I walked into it. I hope it does not last for long!
I have done very little creative writing in the last month, though I have just (literally) finished a 12,000 word paper for my supervisor. I'm not at all happy with it, as I knew I wouldn't be, but I think it has at least served it's purpose, which was to put it all straight in my head. I at least know (or think I know) where I am headed now.
February also saw a big decision. I have been toying for months of what to do to 'celebrate' turning 30 next year. I wanted to do something Amazing and New and Memorable. In January I decided that doing another dive trip would be a great idea, because it would take very little time out of my busy schedule, involve family (and diving) and be, if not new, at least amazing. But I have previously done an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime dive trip for my twenty-fourth birthday and I guess my brain was attempting to figure out something better. And, boy, did it ever!
I've always loved to hike. I've been planning to do Hadrian's Wall for a while now, and fully intended to work my way up to it this year (September) by walking in the Peak District this summer (in all my free time). I was busy doing research for my holiday in May this year, in N. Ireland, and came across multiple websites that do hiking or biking holidays. I was intregued. I suppose, in many ways, perhaps my decision was fated.
And then, about two weeks ago, I watch the movie The Way, which is a character-driven story about a father who's enstrangled son unexpectedly dies on the first day of the Camino Frances. Flying to France to bring back his son's remains, the man begins to realise all the things about his son that he never really understood and resolves to take the ashes on the 800km trek to Santiago de Compostela himself. It is a movie as much about the father's journey as it is about the son 'completing' his.
I woke up the next more knowing that I'd found my own way. And so, next year, I will be walking the Camino Frances from Saint Jean Pied to Santiago de Compostela, on my own. Or as much as one can be when an estimated 300,000 pilgrims walk the routes every year. In all, I think February was the month I found myself, or at least my direction in life. I do feel much better now, certainly!
February is, for me, usually a month that basically passes by without my really acknowleding it. Case in point: it's usually the month I go on holidays, which makes it even shorter. This year, however, things took a bit of a different turn. I've been trying my very best to involve myself in my PhD department, without really making much headway. I tend to say I will do something and then never quite get around to it. In February, all of that changed! I have now become the Social Media Moderator for the PhD department, which includes a blog, a Facebook group and a Twitter account to manage and keep up-to-date and interesting! I will also, this month, become the first PhD Student Blogger for the university at large, which I am looking forward to. I already have my first few posts lined up! It will mean that I will now have five blogs, some personal, some professional to look after, so I hope I don't neglect any of them (for more than a week at a time). I will try to update this one every month, as I do now.
I have also, though I'm not certain how as it was unintentioned, been marked as the tech person in the department. I attribute this to the fact that our current tech person is involved in a two month long project and mostly unavailable for daily questions. So I'm it. Lucky me. I try to avoid things like this, but since I automatically say 'yes' whenever people ask for help, I guess I walked into it. I hope it does not last for long!
I have done very little creative writing in the last month, though I have just (literally) finished a 12,000 word paper for my supervisor. I'm not at all happy with it, as I knew I wouldn't be, but I think it has at least served it's purpose, which was to put it all straight in my head. I at least know (or think I know) where I am headed now.
February also saw a big decision. I have been toying for months of what to do to 'celebrate' turning 30 next year. I wanted to do something Amazing and New and Memorable. In January I decided that doing another dive trip would be a great idea, because it would take very little time out of my busy schedule, involve family (and diving) and be, if not new, at least amazing. But I have previously done an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime dive trip for my twenty-fourth birthday and I guess my brain was attempting to figure out something better. And, boy, did it ever!
I've always loved to hike. I've been planning to do Hadrian's Wall for a while now, and fully intended to work my way up to it this year (September) by walking in the Peak District this summer (in all my free time). I was busy doing research for my holiday in May this year, in N. Ireland, and came across multiple websites that do hiking or biking holidays. I was intregued. I suppose, in many ways, perhaps my decision was fated.
And then, about two weeks ago, I watch the movie The Way, which is a character-driven story about a father who's enstrangled son unexpectedly dies on the first day of the Camino Frances. Flying to France to bring back his son's remains, the man begins to realise all the things about his son that he never really understood and resolves to take the ashes on the 800km trek to Santiago de Compostela himself. It is a movie as much about the father's journey as it is about the son 'completing' his.
I woke up the next more knowing that I'd found my own way. And so, next year, I will be walking the Camino Frances from Saint Jean Pied to Santiago de Compostela, on my own. Or as much as one can be when an estimated 300,000 pilgrims walk the routes every year. In all, I think February was the month I found myself, or at least my direction in life. I do feel much better now, certainly!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Jolly Ol' England
I had a brilliant post planned out in my head last night. About something or other. If I can ever remember what it was, you will have the chance to read it. Until then, we shall all make do with the overused 'updates' post.
As some of you may have gathered, I moved countries twenty days ago. I am quite certain that is shocking and very adventurous sounding to some, but I will hereby shrug my shoulders and utter the dreaded 'meh'. Twenty days ago I did not move countries. Twenty days ago I moved home.
I have this utterly strange sense in my head that believes the last two years were some horrid dream that is finally, blessedly over. The other part of me knows it wasn't a dream and that it wasn't all bad. I am trying very hard not to give either part much room for further consideration. Thankfully, I have a whole bucketload of work to occupy about 25% of my brain power, which is more brain power than I'm even capable of using.
The last two weeks have been an endless series of meetings, seminars, the occasional lecture, remembering how to read an academic book vs. a fictional book, and remembering what a 9-5 research job actually means. I think I have finally wrapped my brain around returning to studenthood and have now settled into a routine (of sorts).
I had a solid weekend of very useful research and subsequent brainstorming. As such, I have at least worked out my research aims for the next 3 months, a workable APG plan, part of my methodology, and perhaps even a few chapters of my thesis, though that last part sounds particularly hopeful rather than realistic.
Today I have had a stark flashback to my senior years in undergrad and the dreaded marking of essays. I say dreaded, but it is usually something I enjoy. When the essays are interesting, coherent and on topics of particular interest or use. I'm afraid the day has been full of highs and lows. And another day of the same tomorrow. Still, I feel more a proper member of the department now, with honest work to do.
Autumn has arrived in central England, and it is cold and blustery outside. We have, however, had a lovely few weeks of almost summery weather, so I will not complain. The weather is not particularly wonderful in the homeland either, as this time of year is prone to be. This feels, however, properly English. The very warm weather was throwing my brain for a loop. Now I have an excuse to drink copious amounts of tea and laze around in my university hoody. One does not need to be dressed to be productive.
I am looking forward to next week, when my To Do list will narrow down to research and writing and not the other dozen and a few things I have this week. A few quiet weeks would be most welcome.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Back to School, Take Two
It's passed the middle of August, at which time I am used to undergoing an emotional turmoil wherein I can't decide whether going back to school is a yay or a nay.
This year I don't have this conflicting emotion, because I'm not going back. I noticed it less last year (my first September where I was not in school), because the Returned to Canada rollercoaster kept me busy enough. So, this year feels a bit strange. Mostly, I feel like I'm floundering in the big ocean of Real Life, barely hanging on to the life preserver that is a part time job, and still trying to find the nearest bit of land that may be proper work. So far, nothing has appeared in sight in the last 11 months. I'm not hopeful.
I could, of course, have returned to school next month. I could have found something to do another degree in or a diploma. But when it comes right down to it, what's the point? I'd just be unemployed in another field and I'd be less interested in pursuing it till it kills me. All of which politely suggests to my brain that I'd better do something about this in the next 12 months, because going through this again isn't exactly agreeable.
I am, of course, currently taking another project management course; a subject of which I have about as much interest as, say, the biology of amphibians. But it means that, two days a week, I have something to focus on beyond going stir crazy. It is also temporary, and will be over long before NaNo rears it's head again. A fact for which I am grateful. I am hoping that November will at least be a distraction from everything else, and perhaps the achievement of writing 50,000 words again will at least carry me over into Christmas. Provided I finish this novel this year, rather than dragging it into February of another year. As my non-recent updates might suggest, the novel idea is going about as well as the job hunt.
I think it's partly that I'm a bit bored again. I get this way after a few months of doing the same thing. I bore easily, I know. I am still happier than I was after three months of retail, don't get me wrong! And much happier than I'd be if I was, say, unemployed. There still feels as if I am in a holding pattern waiting for my life to begin. At 27 I'm starting to wonder... I've met 21 year olds who have it more together.
It's been a bit of a comfort to be around the family this summer. So far, I am the only university student among the grandchildren that didn't change their major after First Year. I stuck with it, for 6 years. Nor did I give up on my original dream when I started university. I feel that I can count that as an accomplishment, since this is the family that is Awesome At Everything and Never Fails at Anything. I like to think they can take pride in the fact that at least I haven't given up. It make take years, but I'm not walking away from this, at least permanently. In the interim, probably yes, because one has to make a living somehow and job applications do not constitute paying rent.
[Not that I do. Though I'd like to.]
Right now, though, the contemplation of a PhD is more a stop gap. Please don't get me wrong, I want a PhD. I just imagined it would be something for another time in my life (hopefully another decade older). Now it seems as if it's becoming my only option because it is my only option. I don't know how feeling forced is going to help matters. And the positive of being the first grandchild (maybe the only one) to have Dr. in front of my name is probably not enough to carry me through even Year One. But it's enough to make me try. I am banking on the fact that I don't quit on things to carry me through.
We'll see. Step One: Stop faffing about and email Leicester.
This year I don't have this conflicting emotion, because I'm not going back. I noticed it less last year (my first September where I was not in school), because the Returned to Canada rollercoaster kept me busy enough. So, this year feels a bit strange. Mostly, I feel like I'm floundering in the big ocean of Real Life, barely hanging on to the life preserver that is a part time job, and still trying to find the nearest bit of land that may be proper work. So far, nothing has appeared in sight in the last 11 months. I'm not hopeful.
I could, of course, have returned to school next month. I could have found something to do another degree in or a diploma. But when it comes right down to it, what's the point? I'd just be unemployed in another field and I'd be less interested in pursuing it till it kills me. All of which politely suggests to my brain that I'd better do something about this in the next 12 months, because going through this again isn't exactly agreeable.
I am, of course, currently taking another project management course; a subject of which I have about as much interest as, say, the biology of amphibians. But it means that, two days a week, I have something to focus on beyond going stir crazy. It is also temporary, and will be over long before NaNo rears it's head again. A fact for which I am grateful. I am hoping that November will at least be a distraction from everything else, and perhaps the achievement of writing 50,000 words again will at least carry me over into Christmas. Provided I finish this novel this year, rather than dragging it into February of another year. As my non-recent updates might suggest, the novel idea is going about as well as the job hunt.
I think it's partly that I'm a bit bored again. I get this way after a few months of doing the same thing. I bore easily, I know. I am still happier than I was after three months of retail, don't get me wrong! And much happier than I'd be if I was, say, unemployed. There still feels as if I am in a holding pattern waiting for my life to begin. At 27 I'm starting to wonder... I've met 21 year olds who have it more together.
It's been a bit of a comfort to be around the family this summer. So far, I am the only university student among the grandchildren that didn't change their major after First Year. I stuck with it, for 6 years. Nor did I give up on my original dream when I started university. I feel that I can count that as an accomplishment, since this is the family that is Awesome At Everything and Never Fails at Anything. I like to think they can take pride in the fact that at least I haven't given up. It make take years, but I'm not walking away from this, at least permanently. In the interim, probably yes, because one has to make a living somehow and job applications do not constitute paying rent.
[Not that I do. Though I'd like to.]
Right now, though, the contemplation of a PhD is more a stop gap. Please don't get me wrong, I want a PhD. I just imagined it would be something for another time in my life (hopefully another decade older). Now it seems as if it's becoming my only option because it is my only option. I don't know how feeling forced is going to help matters. And the positive of being the first grandchild (maybe the only one) to have Dr. in front of my name is probably not enough to carry me through even Year One. But it's enough to make me try. I am banking on the fact that I don't quit on things to carry me through.
We'll see. Step One: Stop faffing about and email Leicester.
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