Waiting Games

Deciding to query is terrifying. What comes after is...kind of anti-climatic. It's mostly waiting. You send out queries everyday (or every week, whatever your chosen schedule is) and then you wait. Some agents might respond to say no, some might not respond at all, some might get back to you with more optimistic answers (like asking for a full manuscript). But in the end, a lot of it is just waiting, and there's nothing you can really do to make that go faster.

I thought waiting would be horrible. I've never been very good at it. I sucked at waiting for my viva and got more and more anxious as the weeks went by. I was pretty bad at waiting for exams to happen too. And I've never been great at waiting for vacations, especially when they involve international travel.

But I've gotten much better at it now. Hurry up and wait is pretty much a motto of this whole thing, I'm discovering, because even once you're signed there's waiting for publishers to be interested, waiting for editors to get back to you, waiting for the launch, waiting, waiting, waiting. Patience is definitely a virtue of the publishing industry. There's mostly long stretches of nothing, interspersed with short moments of exited terror. Which is life in a nutshell, isn't it?

As always, however, waiting is much easier when you keep busy, and I've definitely been keeping busy. Formulating a business plan is a long thought process and one I'm very familiar with, even if I'm not familiar with business plans. PhD-ing is 80% in your head and only 20% content to show for it (or less, some days). This feels the same way. A lot of months of thinking and planning before there is any pay-off, and publishing appears to be the same way. I am not surprised by this fact.

So I am waiting, hopefully for a good day to come. Until then, I'm keeping busy doing things that I hope will also one day lead to good things. After a year of feeling stuck in the mud, it's good to be walking along the trail again, even if I don't know where that trail is leading.

Business Plans

I have something to admit. I don't have a head for business. I never have. I've never wanted to. Having said that, I've always been fairly decent at math.

I've spent the last two weeks reading about business plans. They are simple, at face value, but actually crafting one is much harder! So far, I've got the headings in place, and a short paragraph about what I need to include in each section. But there are sections I haven't even been able to give thought to yet. In other words...this is going to take a while. But that's all right. Business plans should not be rushed. I want it to be a good, solid plan as I go forward, because that's the foundation I want to build on.

It is simply the first step in a long process. I am going to start keeping a document with blog posts about what I'm going through, and once I've gotten further in this process (realised my mistakes) I'll start posting them on a new blog, so other people can learn from my stumbles and also what worked for me! I hope it might be useful. So look out for that in a couple of months (probably the autumn). I'm also going to try my hand at setting up a whole website, with a blog page, and several other areas that can grow over time. I shall also have to learn how to do that.

Just like everything else in life, it's a learning curve. I kind of feel like starting my PhD all over again, except instead of a degree with an end point, this is the rest of my life! But that makes it more exciting.

So, further up and further in. One baby step at a time.

Creativity Update

My, it has been a long time since last autumn when I posted a picture, hasn't it?

So here's an update. I am - mostly - finished. I wanted to leave it to dry for a week to make sure it wasn't still tacky when I did the last part, as the last part goes overtop of half the painting. It's a big red tree on the left in the foreground. But for now, here's the rest of it.

I'm rather pleased with it, I think. I definitely like how bright it is.

The Great Purge

I used to love to collect things. Lots and lots of things. I've never been a hoarder, but I had things I collected, and I would collect anything that pertain to it. Like coins. I have a huge coin collection. And Beanie Babies. And collector's editions of magazines.

In the last ten years, I've moved a lot. Most things have stayed in my parents' basement, because there was room for it there. I've done without a lot of things while I moved to and from England several times. And it's amazing what you don't miss. I didn't miss any of that stuff I'd collected. I collected a few other things, but each time I moved back to Canada I got rid of a lot of stuff. My goal was if it didn't fit in two book boxes and two suitcases, it wasn't coming back with me. And I was pretty good about that (I was better the second time around).

But since I've been back I've been purging. And I realise this comes from the time I lived in England and the travelling I've done. You learn to live without a lot of things. But in England, I learned to give stuff away. Charity donations of stuff is big over there, and nearly every month I made a trip to one of the shops to hand over a bag, and most people I knew did the same. It became a thing: the seasonal purge of stuff for the donation box. And as time went by, I got more selective about what I bought or acquired. I started to judge things by whether I actually needed them or not.

That has continued. I have no money now, so not buying stuff is rather a necessity. But even if I did have money, I've become more deserving about asking 'want or need?' And if it's want, it almost always goes back on the shelf.

It feels great to get rid of things. I've got boxes of stuff in the basement I haven't looked at in 10 years. That's a long time to go without something, so out it goes. It feels good to donate. It feels even better to purge. A lot of people collect stuff, or keep stuff they don't need, because they have space or because they think 'I'll need it one day'. But we hold on to a lot of things and things take the place of people. Or happiness. Or whatever you feel you're missing in life.

Getting rid of almost everything has taught me that there are things missing in my life. Important things. And stuff will not replace those empty spaces. I need to fill them with love, with a partner, with a career I adore, with close friends I love. Stuff won't fill them up, and it's only been a bandaid over the years.

But getting rid of stuff? It just feels good. I've always loved spring cleaning, and doing it every week of the year is liberating! Freeing! It feels amazing to rid myself of baggage and start fresh.

There's a world out there and I want to see it and live in it. And now I can, with just a couple of suitcases. The nice thing about that? I can take them with me on the plane. No more shipping internationally. No more boxes and boxes of crap I don't need living 3000 miles from me. Just my clothes, my dearest possessions, and people. And those you can take anywhere.

Plans within Plans

So it's 2016. Last year was going to be my Year of Awesomeness, but then my viva happened and it ended up just being another year of my PhD. Whatever. I'm over it.

[I'm not.]

Instead, I shall move on to 2016 being my Year of Awesome Things. It's looking good so far. There's quite a bit of travelling planned, including to new places. There's scuba diving again, and hiking, both things I've missed. There's a museum internship and potential for research projects. There's a book review and peer review for academic journals. There is one novel finished, and two more to complete this year. There's the very scary process of finding an agent (next step!) and hopefully getting a book contract. There is a definitive plan to move into my own place (or at the worst, move in with a friend). There is also a still dream-like plan to get out of dodge completely and jump ship to another continent. This probably will not happen until 2017, but if it does, I'll be planning and setting the stage this year.

There are also the less tangible things, like stop apologizing so much. Stop regretting things and go out and do them instead. Stop feeling guilty for having bad days. Get my mental health into a much better place (I feel this will probably always be a work in progress, but making progress this year would be a good thing). Being better at seeing friends (and new friends!). Socializing more, but not so much it makes me miserable. Enjoy winter more (and get outside in it). Stop feeling ashamed of many things that are not my fault and that I in no way should apologize for, because they are not my fault. Embrace a new lifestyle and stop living like a student.

Take each day as it comes - and if something happens I didn't expect, go with it - be spontaneous, break the mould (and the schedule), try new things, meet new people (and don't freak out), love life a bit more.

Creativity Updates

Well now, it's passed the middle of the month. The good news is that I'm on par with NaNo's suggested word counts. The bad news is that neither novel is as far ahead as I hoped it would be. The good news is that Novel 2 is speeding alone admirably, though, and I don't think I will run out of ideas (though I might run out of plot). Novel 1 has stalled and I suppose it will be December's Problem To Deal With. How joyful that will make the holiday season.

[Good spotting, that was sarcasm. The things we writers do...]

I've been sick, a lot, the last few weeks, and when I haven't been I've been away. But I got back to painting today and it's coming along. I've done the easy bits now, though, so it's the near perspective that's left and that requires much more patience and determination. There are A LOT of red leaves to add in to this thing.

The entire left side is one giant maple in full brilliant autumnal red. Each individual leaf will have to be painted, after I finish filling in the details on the rocks, the leaves in the water, and the rest of the floating twigs and such. Oh, and the trees in the distant left too, though they are mirrors of the ones on the right.

Now that I'm looking at it...that water ended up much redder than intended. Might have to fix that. It's supposed to be muddy brown, but it could just be my iPhone too.

Social Media Making

I've decided to start a new, on-going, series of posts to this blog. I've been toying with this idea for a long time (*cough*6 years*cough*), but I was never really certain if I should quite go ahead with it. Partly that is because this might very well be the area of work I get into (one day), and having most of my expert knowledge posted free and publicly rather defeats the purpose of being paid for a living. And partly it is because I'm never really certain how many people read blogs, or how many people who do find this useful would actually read this one (bets are few).

However, I've decided to bite the bullet. I know plenty of bloggers who post things that they don't feel are useful, and yet readers gobble it up. So maybe there is a chance. And if I only help one person, that's still worth the effort, I think.  Maybe that person will help another person and so on.

But first, a little bit of history to begin with.

I first got into social media in 2009. Except that's a bold faced lie. I first got into social media in 1997 when I discovered chat rooms, but I was *cough*young*cough* and we don't talk about that. But then, social media in the 1990s was not yet a 'thing'. A thing talked about, at least. Our concept of social media comes mainly from the last 10 or so years, particularly since Facebook took off. It has existed since the Internet began, but social media is mostly a construct of our new networked society where the Web is accessible and open for most people (rather than just the early adopters or the geeks - I was both).

But it wasn't until 2007 that I discovered Facebook, as did most people. And it wasn't until 2009 that I had a Twitter account. Though my first blog dates to 2002 and I've had a Photobucket account as long as Photobucket has existed. And then there were all those chat room personas...that we don't talk about.

In other words I, like most people, came to social media over a period of time. It started with one site and then, as the Internet spread, I got involved in more and more things. Now, like most people, I maintain a presence (that might not be strictly 'me') on nearly a dozen social media platforms, and half a dozen others that I have lost log-ins to or that have mainly gone the way of the dodo bird, as has most of the Web. And sometimes, having that many sites to keep track of means I neglect one or two for longer than intended (like this blog), and spend hours of the day on others (Twitter - no Pinterest).

However, over the years I've come to know most social media sites, at least in what we could call the mainstream ones. There are others I've purposefully stayed clear from (Tumblr) and a few I delayed getting involved in (Pinterest), but for the most part, I've used the vast majority of them, and made an effort to understand what they are for and where they can fit into my life (and where they don't). But that is a lot of work, as anyone who is social media savvy will know. And often it's more work than people on the outside are willing to expend, without understanding what the pros and cons are (or only seeing the cons). I understand it can be daunting, particularly if you've stayed on the fringes of social media all these years (and if you have, congrats, I sometimes miss being disconnected).

Perhaps there are enough of you out there that are not quite social media savvy, or have a specific social media platform you'd like to know more about (before you start using it), or would like to know how to use (now that you do use it). And perhaps I can help a few of you. It's worth a shot, at least.

Adventure Awaits

18 days to go, which pretty much means I am through to the ‘can I just go already?’ stage of anxiety. The problem with being so organised is that I tend to me too organised and thus I am packed and planned and ready to go. Unfortunately, the plane doesn’t leave until the 30^th. Or so my ticket says.

The good news is that I am over the sheer moments of terror and onto the sheer moments of excitement (interspersed with the usual anxiety attacks). I have rather a lot to distract me for the next two weeks, which is a very good thing, I think. However, it also means I have rather a lot of work to do before I leave and I’m running out of time to do it! Whoever said the good things in life take forever to arrive got it wrong. I have no idea where the last three and a half months have gone, much less the last twelve since I started planning this crazy idea!

I’m still a bit worried (more than a bit) about my foot. The injury seems to be mostly healed, but I’m terrified of reinjuring it again in the first few days of really difficult climbing. I think if I can get through those I’ll be okay, but if I do myself in then that’s it. It’s taken weeks to be pain free this time, and I don’t have weeks to rest next time. Though I know, in my heart, I’ll push on even in pain as long as I can. I don’t want to leave Chantel on her own or miss out on the whole experience! I guess I face a potential summer on crutches, but there are worse things.

Tomorrow I am off to Cambridge to either A) visit IWM Duxford or B) visit the Fitzwilliam. Which one will depend on what the weather does, as there is a significant chance of rain. Why do I always visit Cambridge in the rain? On the upshot, it’s supposed to be mild and not windy, so so far I am enjoying this year’s version of ‘Spring’. It’s so much better than winter that I really don’t mind the rain at all. In Spain it’s 25* and sunny, which is very, very bad for hiking, so I will enjoy the rain and cooler temps for now before I face a daily battle against heat stroke. What fun that will be.

My field work is going along quite well and the worry that I wouldn’t get everything done for that before the end of the month is gone. All meetings have now been arranged and I should get them all finished next week. Just a few more emails to send about summer field research and I’m on track for June! If the other work was going as well I’d feel better, but one out of two isn’t bad, right? The marking nightmare is over, at least, and the money is very useful. Glad to not be dealing with the next round however, because as interesting as this assignment was, marking it was mentally exhausting. All good for the CV.

My big challenge before the end of this month is writing an abstract proposal for the PhD conference. I have no idea what to do for it, but I want the abstract to be good! I’ve got 17 days to figure something out. 250 words shouldn’t be that hard….but it is.

Lastly, the exciting news of the week is that I’m moving Denmark for a term next year. I’m more than thrilled to have this finalised, as it’s an excellent opportunity to study with the leader in my field of research and to interact with PhD students in another country. Very much looking forward to this and already I can’t wait until January!

Spain and hiking and charities, oh my

It's been a while, hasn't it?

And this post doesn't have to do with my PhD. Not really, anyways. It does in the sense that, having been at this for 16 months so far I need a break soon. Not a working holiday or a putting up with my family holiday. An actual, completely disconnected from everything, holiday.

I've been planning this one for a while. At the beginning of May and very old friend and I are going hiking. In Spain. Specifically, we are hiking the 800km Camino Frances, the French pilgrims' route across northern Spain to Santiago de Compostela. In 33 days (well, 5 weeks total, but we plan to stay a few days in Santiago at the end). It's been a goal we've both had for years and this is the year we're going to do it. She is finishing her PhD, I'm in the middle of mine. I turn 30 (yikes!) this year, though she doesn't until next year. Still, she starts her 30th year this year, which is almost the same thing.

But I want it to be about more than just us and a personal challenge and a long-held dream. She is doing it to research for an archaeological book about the Camino (with help from me!) and I am doing it to raise money for Cancer Research UK, a charity that has become very dear to me in recent months. I haven't done a fundraising walk in nearly two decades, and this seems like a great one!
Sometimes, being here is not all about doing a PhD (or gaining work experience, or making contacts with like-minded people, or doing something meaningful for your chosen subject). Sometimes it's about the other things you do to enrich your experience. And this is one of those, both for myself, my friend and for the many people that will hopefully benefit from us doing this.

Besides, after walking 30km a day for 33 days, finishing a PhD is going to be easy, right?

So that's one of the things that's been filling up my time. Also, planning a teaching session this week (help me!!!!), writing a report, being in Canada, sending email after email after email and all around freezing to death in the middle of the worst winter England has had (that I've lived here). They'll be more updates starting next month when I have things to update about!

If Things Can Always Get Worse

Thank, in theory, things can always get better. At least, I like to think so. That's horribly opimistic of me, perhaps, but it does occasionally work in practice.

In case you can't figure out the 'read between the lines' of that last sentence, I've had a good day. Or, maybe, rather a very good day. An excellent day. A...okay, I'll stop now.

Normally Mondays for me are rather a day I can forget about. I'd sleep through them if I could. Today, however, I made nearly a grand in unexpected (but very welcome) income for hardly any work (comparative to how much I normally have to do for that much money, that is), I tracked down and scheduled meetings with two very important people, I was handed a project case study on my lap (almost literally), and I bought healthy!groceries. And now it's sunny outside. So, really, a very good day indeed.

In other news, I passed the minimum for the writing challenge I'm participating in, which would be something to celebrate if it didn't mean I was only half way through the story (maybe less than that, actually). I have also failed to return to researching the current paper I'm supposed to be working on (stack of books is five inches away) and as of 3pm this afternoon I've got yet another thing to write which is due Wednesday. Thursday I'm in London. Friday is supposed to be some Grand Meeting of PhDs thing or something. I was only told on Saturday, and then in passing and no one actually seems to know what's happening, but I'm leaving it open anyways. In other words, my Week of Work is turning into my Week of Other Things, yet again. I really need a WoW before I leave for Denver. Like...really.

Tomorrow I get to have a grand adventure in the Attenborough Tower, which for anyone who has not been a student at Leicester will seem rather sad. For anyone who has, you know how awesome the AT is. Needless to say there will be the 18th floor and an elevator ride like no other. I have never been up the tower that high before, though I know some people just ride the lift for shits and giggles (a bit of both are needed to survive it). And then I get tea. And a chat with a person I've known for nine years. But before that, I really need to do work.

At least I'm not wasting my days watching Olympics coverage, since Canada AND GB are doing horribly and I get bored watching the Yanks and Chinese beat everyone else.

Jolly Ol' England

I had a brilliant post planned out in my head last night. About something or other. If I can ever remember what it was, you will have the chance to read it. Until then, we shall all make do with the overused 'updates' post.

As some of you may have gathered, I moved countries twenty days ago. I am quite certain that is shocking and very adventurous sounding to some, but I will hereby shrug my shoulders and utter the dreaded 'meh'. Twenty days ago I did not move countries. Twenty days ago I moved home.

I have this utterly strange sense in my head that believes the last two years were some horrid dream that is finally, blessedly over. The other part of me knows it wasn't a dream and that it wasn't all bad. I am trying very hard not to give either part much room for further consideration. Thankfully, I have a whole bucketload of work to occupy about 25% of my brain power, which is more brain power than I'm even capable of using.

The last two weeks have been an endless series of meetings, seminars, the occasional lecture, remembering how to read an academic book vs. a fictional book, and remembering what a 9-5 research job actually means. I think I have finally wrapped my brain around returning to studenthood and have now settled into a routine (of sorts).

I had a solid weekend of very useful research and subsequent brainstorming. As such, I have at least worked out my research aims for the next 3 months, a workable APG plan, part of my methodology, and perhaps even a few chapters of my thesis, though that last part sounds particularly hopeful rather than realistic.

Today I have had a stark flashback to my senior years in undergrad and the dreaded marking of essays. I say dreaded, but it is usually something I enjoy. When the essays are interesting, coherent and on topics of particular interest or use. I'm afraid the day has been full of highs and lows. And another day of the same tomorrow. Still, I feel more a proper member of the department now, with honest work to do.

Autumn has arrived in central England, and it is cold and blustery outside. We have, however, had a lovely few weeks of almost summery weather, so I will not complain. The weather is not particularly wonderful in the homeland either, as this time of year is prone to be. This feels, however, properly English. The very warm weather was throwing my brain for a loop. Now I have an excuse to drink copious amounts of tea and laze around in my university hoody. One does not need to be dressed to be productive.

I am looking forward to next week, when my To Do list will narrow down to research and writing and not the other dozen and a few things I have this week. A few quiet weeks would be most welcome.

A Writer's Introduction

It seems to me that there is no advisable way to begin a blog. I mean, everyone uses a blog for different purposes, so deciding on one set format defeats the purpose. As such, I am at something of a loss of how to begin, so please bear with me.

I am one of the older members of Generation Y. I remember - though it's hard to believe - a time before the internet existed in every home and the average eight-year-old carried an iPhone. I remember those days with longing you have to understand, because life was a great deal less...public than it is now. So why create a public blog? Despite the fact that I remember DOS based programs and that some of my earliest technological memories were fiddling with ancient Mac computers in the days before Microsoft owned the world, I love technology. I adore the simple fact that I can interact -in real time - with my friends half way around the world. I'm obsessed with online MBs and social media sites. I am, there can be no doubt, a TwitterHolic. I have embraced the modern digital age with all the energy of today's eight-year-old iPhoners.

For example, I have had a blog in the form of a LiveJournal for the better part of eight years. I was heavily involved in message boards at the tender age of twelve before the parental terror of child pornos and kidnappers lurking in the background ever became an issue. I tweet from my phone. I update my Facebook profile more than once a day. And, having attempted on more than one occasion to do without the internet for a few days, have ultimately concluded I'd rather die. Like the rest of Generation Y, the lack of internet is, in a sense, a loss of part of our indentity and we never feel completely whole until we have it back again.

So, this morning I woke up with the hairbrained scheme of creating a proper blog for some purpose or other. At first, that purpose altogether escaped me. I have an LJ, which is used for such childish purposes as ranting about work, school and those friends who are not on LJ. I have an FB profile to tell all of my friends who could care less that I am still unemployed. And I have a Twitter account in order to regale my very small corner of the Twitterverse with museum related posts and - currently - an endless stream of declarations of tears over the 2010 Olympic Games. I should, at this juncture, point out that the tears are those of happiness over being a proud Canadian.

But, after a few hours of careful (not) consideration, I have decided to use this blog for one main purpose; which is to write about writing. As a currently unemployed-in-my field graduate, housesitting for my parents, and spending my evenings bemoaning the fact that I left my entire social life in England four months ago, I have reached a point in my life where I have time to write. I've been writing since I was twelve. I have dabbled (and plunged) into multiple fictional universes almost entirely not of my own creation and have emerged on the other side fifteenish years later with the ability to type 75 words a minute and write an entire essay on virtually no research. These are the two most useful skills for a person who survived seven years of university education and a rough estimate of fourty 2K+ essays and two 13K+ dissertations.

The following sentence is my only explanation for why, in October 2009, faced with no essays for the first time in memory, that I attempted and completed NaNo. That is, for the uninitiated, National Writing Month. It is an international challange to creative writers to write a 50,000+ novel within the thirty days of November. Last year, nearly 150,000 people participated. To win, all you have to do is reach 50K by the end of November 30th. At a total, on the last day, of 53,000 words I can count the adventure a success. The fact that the completed novel is now 67,000 words and still counting (editing) seems only an added mark of congratulations. But, having succeeded once I am determinted to do so again.

This year, I am beginning from scratch. NaNo 2009 was written with a complete novel idea that had been running around in my brain fully formed for the better part of two years and all I had to do was allow my fast typing fingers to dictate from my brain to the laptop in the span of four weeks. This year, I find myself devoid of any idea of any level of interest. The ultimate purpose of this blog is to work through the bad ideas for short stories to arrive - by October 2010 - at a good idea for a novel. It is also a way for me to document how I write, having never paid much attention at all to this topic before. I am one of those people who just writes - as this blog will have so far told you - and, if in the mood, deals with the editing later. More often then not, most things never get edited. I believe that a person does everything best the first time and further repetition will not make it better. Do it right the first time, yes?

Therefore, my project for this year, in the eight and a half months until NaNo 2010, is to document the creation of an idea; the planning of chapters and plot; and finally, to document how I write at the end of it.

Interspersed with these artistic ramblings will probably be the occasion career furthering project and - hopefully - a document of my own endevours to make my local museum a place worth visiting, just to keep things interesting.

I hope you join me for the ride.