This one isn't really about writing.
A few weeks ago I got the sort of email in my inbox that typically makes me want to go 'crap' and hide in a corner until the anxiety attack wears off. However, as the email was from my supervisor, I instead wrote back and said 'yes' and then went 'crap' and hid in a corner. Priorities, I have them.
I spent a lot of the last couple of weeks going out of my way to stave off the brewing anxiety. I don't do presentations. I absolutely loath it. I am, borderline, phobic about public speaking. It just is not my thing. And that's okay, because rarely am I required to stand up at the front of a room and present. I can do meetings. I can chair meetings. I can talk in a group. I cannot stand in front of a conference and present. We all have our failings.
But when your supervisor emails you to say he's putting together a panel and are you available, you say yes. And then you freak out.
I could have done a very simple 'this is my research' presentation, but the supervisor already had a theme in mind and so I sort of ran with that and…kept on running. These things happen.
Anyways, I ended up delivering a rather provocative presentation (thankfully, not directed at any of the museums in attendance) that pretty much said 'you are all doing it wrong, do better'. And then people agreed with me. And started following me on Twitter and retweeting quotes from my presentation. And sending me emails to say they've been discussing it in the office today.
These sorts of things typically give me anxiety attacks. Thankfully, I have two deadlines next week so I don't have time to have an anxiety attack (or more than one). Which is excellent timing, all around.
I do know that my supervisor is very happy. And that my fellow panelists (who I trust) told me it was really good. And I did not have a fidget attack sitting at the front waiting for 30 minutes to speak. Baby steps. Baby steps. I may be getting the hang of this whole presenting thing, even if thinking about having to do one will probably give me an anxiety attack for a long time to come.